We’re So Screwed (3): La Bomba

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
"Love You." "...Love You, Too."

Scorpius holds John face-down on the floor of the Katratzi hangar bay. I don't know if you've ever been there, but let me tell you: that whole place is filthy. I hate to be like prejudiced or whatever, but when people say that Charrids are dirty, it's not racism: it's simple fact. It's like part of their culture. I'm sorry but I have to say it.

John screams and bucks underneath Scorpius, who tells him he doesn't know what he's doing. John, from his extremely hunched position, says he knows damn well what he's doing: "I'm gonna frickin' nuke you, and half this damn base!" He can see Aeryn's boots, where Scorpius knocked her before this romantic little scene got underway. War Minister Ahkna walks into the bay and Scorpius says quietly, "Kill me later." Ahkna's like, "How about now? You're still my prisoner." I love that, like they were playing Cops & Robbers and he was totally cheating. John, from the floor, looks up and says mushmouthed, "Technically, he's my prisoner." Scorpius sweetly thanks him for the backup, and John tells them all that when Aeryn wakes up, she's totally gonna kill Scorpius herself. It's...they're all being so cute right now that it's hard to really care. The whole episode is not like this, it's wonderful, and this is wonderful but in another way. Emperor Staleek walks in and commences cute-ing: "I'm so pleased to see you're all safe." See what I mean? Adorable. He's attended by Scarran guards, of course, and he actually feels cute enough to give Ahkna a bit of a stroke: apparently her "forces" did a great job "quelling the unrest." And then he tells her to fuck off, all, "...A duty to which I'm sure she's eager to return." She stares at him for a sec and takes off. John, still a pancake under Scorpius: "See ya later, sweetheart!" Cute!

The Emperor takes a step closer to the two men, and...smashes Scorpius in the face! Not cute! He ruined it! Scorpius screams and falls off John, who sits up rubbing his nose, thanks Staleek, and immediately jumps to Aeryn's side. She wakes with a jerk and a cry, and he shushes her with a finger upheld. "Did we win?" she whispers. Cute! The Emperor kneels next to them: "You'll be delighted to hear my guards were able to secure the rest of your crew as well. Coincidentally, as they were also nearing exits. Like yourselves, I'm sure they were simply trying to avoid any...entanglement in violence." John asks where they are, and Staleek assures him they're guarded well, and so quite safe. John looks down at his knob, which...now, far be it from me. But how bad do things get before the thing explodes? The leaders of the Scarran army looking down at you while you're getting frotted by the King of Hell and your very own mortal enemy?

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