Farscape
Farscape

Episode Report Card
Strega: B+ | 1357 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Virtual Insanity

Cut to a sign over a doorway that reads, "Momma Ward." Nursery music plays and we hear babies crying as Crichton walks down the hallway. Someone screams, "Aaugh! Leaving so soon? I wish I could!" Crichton turns to see DK being pushed toward him in a wheelchair, blood spurting from his wrists. DK screams, "Look what you made me do!" Crichton backs away as DK goes on screaming about how he lost his job. Blood actually spatters the camera lens, as well as the nurse pushing DK. I've seen enough Herschell Gordon Lewis movies to find that amusing, but I guess it is a bit gross. Two orderlies walk up behind Crichton, casually lift him up, and deposit him into a baby carriage with a cartoony "boing" noise.

Crichton is rolled into another room, where Ma and Pa Crichton are wearing hip 1960s duds and arguing. The camera pitches, rolls, and quite possibly yaws as Pa complains, "You're the one who wanted a child. I wanted a terrier!" Crichton stares up passively as Pa notes, "He can't fetch a ball, he can't get my slippers!" He suddenly tips the baby carriage up, and Crichton is flung out. Ma cries, "Don't hurt my baby!"

Crichton falls. Not onto the floor of the room, but from the top of the parking deck. He screams and flails as he zooms toward the ground.

A police car rolls up to where Crichton has landed all Wile E. Coyote, face-down on the sidewalk. As Crichton starts to get up, the door opens, and we see the driver's feet are encased in red pumps. It's Crais again, still in his cop uniform. And, y'know, the pumps. He draws his sidearm and shouts that Crichton's under arrest. Crichton turns to look as Crais bellows, "You have the right to the remains of a silent attorney! If you cannot afford one, tough noogies! You can make one phone call! I recommend Trixie: 976-Triple 5-LOVE." This is one of those times when you wonder how long it took for everyone to get through the scene without cracking up. Crais asks if Crichton understands his rights, with a "Well, do you, punk?" for good measure. Crichton slowly says, "No." Crais, with no change in tone, shouts, "Then I can't arrest you!" So instead, he slams his car door into Crichton's head.

Farscape

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