Fastlane
Get Your Mack On

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Get Your Mack On

First, an announcement. Due to lack of interest from our users, this will be the last Fastlane recap on the site. Yes, the show has been picked up for a full season, but there won't be any more recaps on the site after this one. The existing recaps and the forums will be moved to the Permanent Hiatus section, so both of the people who've been posting in the forums won't have to give that up. I'm sure Facinelli will survive.

So, the show begins with Deaq and Van speeding down the street in a shiny red car, running red lights along the way. The phone rings, and Van answers. Billie asks where they are, and Van disgustedly passes the phone to Deaq, who explains that they had a flat. Billie is pissed because the boys are supposed to be completing a sting on some dude named Nathan, and they're late. Billie explains that Nathan sweeps for bugs every twelve hours, and that they are currently on Hour Eleven, so the bust has to go down soon. Van and Deaq complain that they get it. Billie tells them to get there and get the money, and reminds them that Nathan has a lot of girls who have just disappeared, and this bust is supposed to prevent that from happening again.

Van runs a couple more red lights. At the Candy Store, Billie observes Nathan (played by Pras) on a giant screen as she types something into her computer. At Nathan's house, lots of scantily clad women walk around. Nathan checks his watch, and a woman walks up and says that "they will be here." Back in the car, Van suggests that Deaq count the money, and they bicker over that for a while. Why don't those two just get married already? Deaq pops open an aluminum briefcase, because on television, they never put money in any other kind of container. He flips through, like, half of one stack of bills and appears satisfied that it's all there. Back at Nathan's house, the woman tries to reassure Nathan that the deal is going to do down. And by "reassure," I mean "tries to give him a boner." Nathan is unmoved. Well, I guess he's unmoved. It's not like I checked his pants or something. Nathan says that the guys have ten minutes to get there.

It's not looking good for the boys, as Van notices that a cop is trying to pull them over. Deaq stashes the briefcase full of cash. Van wonders if the cops will believe that Van and Deaq are also cops. Deaq reminds him that they don't carry badges, so probably not, and orders Van to lose the cops. Van steps on it, and suddenly I'm watching Dukes of Hollywood. Van leads the cops down a series of alleyways and side streets, but eventually gets stuck behind an ice-cream truck. As the cops yell at the boys to get out of the car, Deaq says, "You got a way out of this, Van? You got a plan, Van? Mr. Driving Fast, Van?" Van replies, "Could you not say my name over and over? It gets annoying." Deaq: "Okay, Van." Hee! The cops slam Deaq and Van onto the hood of the car and start to cuff them. Van and Deaq simultaneously disarm the cops, then cuff them to a pole. They promise to mail the guns back to the cops. Two teens standing nearby with Bomb Pops stare in disbelief. Van urges them not to steal cops' guns, and Deaq reminds them to stay in school. That would have been funnier if the kids were, like, five, but I'll bet the censors wouldn't allow that. It actually would have been even funnier if the kids then pulled guns on Van and Deaq and stole the briefcase full of cash.

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Fastlane

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