Girls Own Juice

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Kim: B- | Grade It Now!
Girls Own Juice

Van points out to Deaqon that Billie referred to the car as a female, and uses this as evidence that Billie is a lesbian. Which goes to further explain why Van can never keep a girlfriend for more than an episode. Deaqon says that Billie's in love with Steve McQueen, but Van says she merely identifies with him, which is a big difference. Deaqon doesn't care, because he's got a big party to go to tonight. Van starts to suggest that they go together, and maybe Van should look into that as yet another reason why he can't hold onto a woman for more than an episode. Deaqon says that they can't, because they are partners. Deaqon thinks they should "keep it clean and simple," and Van turns around, all dejected that his crush just blew him off. Van reaches into Steve McQueen's car, grabs the keys, and says that they could take the car to the party. Deaqon is suddenly interested, but points out that if Billie finds out they took it, they'll be fired. Also, Deaqon will be driving.

Deaqon and Van speed down the highway in the car. Again, I know nothing about cars, but I'm pretty sure this one is a Mustang. Sadly, I know that because it looks like the car Brandon drove on 90210 for a while. As they ride along, Van is "dancing" to some rap music. Deaqon looks at him in disgust and changes the station to "For Once in My Life" by Stevie Wonder. Van changes it back. Deaqon says that he doesn't want to hang with Van because he's got attention deficit disorder and is distracting him from the road. They stop because there is a truck in their way. Deaqon changes the station back, and schools Van in the ways of the Wonder. Preach it, brother. Van thinks that Stevie Wonder is overrated. Oh, Van. You just went down, like, a notch. They battle over the stations some more. Van says, "Let me guess. He's the reason you became a cop, right?" Deaqon retorts, "No. He's the reason I became black!" Okay, that line cracked me up. Just then, a motorcycle goes vaulting over the hood of their car. Before Van and Deaqon can figure out what just happened, another motorcycle follows. They're still dumbfounded. A third motorcycle follows.

Cut to six minutes earlier. The motorcyclists are robbing a jewelry store of some loose diamonds and jewelry. Back in the present, Van wonders why there is never a cop around when you need one. So, of course, a cop on a motorcycle tries to vault their car, and smashes through the rear window. Deaqon asks Van to please tell him that didn't just happen, and then takes off. Deaqon somehow manages to catch up to the three motorcycles and gives chase. One of the motorcyclists wipes out. Another member of the gang circles back for a pick-up. The motorcyclist now riding on the rear of the bike leans back and shoots at Van and Deaqon from an upside-down position. That's impressive. I mean, Van and Deaqon don't actually get hit, but it was still impressive. Deaqon stops the car and says that they have to get those guys. Van spots a thong peeking out from one of the motorcyclist's pants and says that they're not guys; they're girls. Wow, an all-girl band of jewel thieves. I haven't seen anything like that since...I saw Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. And I seem to remember making another reference to that movie in last week's recap, so I have to assume the writers are fans of the Smith oeuvre.

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