Fastlane
Girls Own Juice

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Girls Own Juice

Cut to a bar. Three ladies are on stage butchering "Where My Girls At?." Jade plays pool while her thong sticks out. Van and Deaqon walk in arguing about how best to approach Jade. Van says that if his plan works, Deaqon has to go sing "For Once In My Life," karaoke-style. If the plan doesn't work, Van will be singing. Van walks up to the pool table and says hello. Deaqon wraps an arm around Jade and starts hitting on her. Van defends Jade's honor by picking a fight with Deaqon. Jade tells Van to let Deaqon go, and offers to buy Van a beer in the bar in back. Van is going to hit the bathroom first. Once Jade is gone, Van tells Deaqon to hit the stage and start singing. Deaqon announces his song choice to the DJ and takes his spot behind the mike. He's awful, but I bet Bill Bellamy can really sing. It's all very Cameron Diaz in My Best Friend's Wedding. Van heads to the back bar, where Jade cold-cocks him while wearing brass knuckles. We go to commercial with Deaqon still "singing" and Van lying unconscious on the floor.

When we return, Deaqon (like Cameron Diaz) has won over the crowd with his enthusiasm. Van wakes up with a knife to his throat. Jade makes a small cut to get Van to admit that his name is Van Strummer. With a name like that, I can see why he'd want to keep that information private. Jade asks about his friend, and Van plays dumb, but the knife gets him to admit that his friend is named Deaq. Meanwhile, Deaqon is playing air harmonica. Van tells Jade that he was hoping to do business with her. Jade finally removes the knife from Van's neck and asks why he thinks she needs a fence. Van says that he heard she has some diamonds, and he brought Deaqon along because Van "can't tell a diamond from an ice cube." Jade asks if she looks like a girl who would wear diamonds, and stands up. She adds that even if she did have something to fence, she wouldn't go to Van, because she doesn't know him "from Adam 12." Seriously, the '70s cop-show references are getting to be a bit much. Deaqon? Still singing. He finally finishes and everyone applauds.

Van and Deaqon meet back up at the Candy Store. Deaqon is still fired up about his successful performance. Van -- who has ice on his eye -- says that he was a little unconscious while Deaqon was singing, and that Deaqon won the bet. Deaqon is a little mad that he sang for no reason. Billie walks in and asks what happened to Van. Deaqon supplies that Van got beat up by a girl. Billie laughs. Van protests that he just got decked. Billie realizes that they blew it, and says she hopes that they have another plan. Van says that he planted the seed. Deaqon brings up the favor they need to do for Tubby. Billie says that her boss can take care of it. Van is surprised to hear that Billie has a boss, since she doesn't act like she has one. Billie says that her boss said the same thing. Billie makes a phone call to arrange for Jade's regular fence to be arrested, and we see footage of some pimp-looking dude being arrested for DUI.

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Fastlane

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