The music stops and in Action Cliché #13 (although this one is not limited to action movies) the crowd parts to reveal just the guy our heroes came there to find, who says, "I'm going to have to burn that dance floor." Deaqon greets Papa John, who doesn't seem too happy about it. Deaqon tosses Papa John the skull that used to be on the gearshift of the Genwin Tubra LX7 and says that it's the only surviving piece of the car. Deaqon claims that the same theft ring that stole Papa John's car also stole from Deaqon. Cut to the security tape of the guys with hockey masks ripping off Papa John's place. Papa John, having been won over, says that he thought it was an inside job because the crooks knew where all the loot was.
Van calls Sassy Blonde and lets her know that he's got her cash and he needs a car. She knocks on the door of his hotel room. This whole scene is cut with flashes of Van and Sassy Blonde getting it on. It's quite graphic, actually. I'm surprised those scenes made it past the censors. Then again, it's FOX. First they discuss business, and then they discuss their relationship. Throughout, Van doesn't bother wearing a shirt, and I, for one, am not complaining about that. Out on the balcony, Sassy Blonde says that she saw Van's face when "that guy at the track" got shot, and she knows that they were friends. Van doesn't answer. Sassy Blonde says that they are both lying to each other, and that the only truth there is the money. Then they start making out and it's all soft core porn from there. I'm not going to give you a blow-by-blow of that part. Except to say that while they are kissing, Sassy Blonde keeps saying that someday she's going to be somebody different, like, less talking and more sex, please. Because God knows Sassy Blonde's not going to win any acting awards, but these two sure are pretty. One flash reveals that Sassy Blonde has a tattoo that says "Cassidy" on her lower back. Also, I saw Peter Facinelli's butt. When they're done, Van watches a hundred-dollar bill burn next to a candle. What the? Grab that thing! Blow out the fire! These people have messed-up priorities. Oh, and Action Cliché #14 is that the renegade cop gets mixed up with the slightly damaged woman with ambiguous intentions.
The next day, Van and Deaqon sit in a car and watch Cassidy (formerly Sassy Blonde) walk on the beach, carrying the briefcase, and wearing a Juicy Couture sweatsuit just like J Lo had on in the last issue of InStyle. Deaqon complains that he's bored, and Van ignores him. Deaqon bitches about the surfers in the waves, and Van talks about how he taught his partner to surf. This turns into an argument over who knew Van's partner better. Deaqon yells that his brother was inflexible and would never change. Van says that his partner cared about Deaqon, and kept track of what he was doing in New York. Their little heart-to-heart is interrupted when Cassidy meets up with Mr. Suit on the beach. Cassidy tells Mr. Suit that this will be the last time they meet for a while. Mr. Suit asks if she's quitting and Cassidy says she's just taking a break. Mr. Suit punches Cassidy in the gut and she drops to the ground. Deaqon holds Van back from running out to help her, reminding him that Cassidy is the mark. Mr. Suit tells Cassidy not to forget that he found her "cooking meth in a basement, doing [her] three-hundred-pound parole officer." He asks if she wants to go back to that, then kicks her around a few more times for good measure. He stalks off with the briefcase while Cassidy cowers on the ground. Van watches helplessly. Deaqon takes pictures. For evidence, I'm assuming, not his own personal collection.













Comments