Fastlane
Ryde Or Die

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Ryde Or Die

Van runs down some stairs into the club and yells out that they should name the club "Rocky III." Deaq thinks it's a terrible idea. If they want to go with the Rocky theme, they should call it "Clubber Lang." Get it? Clubber? Anyway. Deaq reveals that Van's other suggestions for club names were "Glengarry Glen Ross" and "Original Kings of Comedy." Does he understand that they are naming a club and not just listing their favorite movies here? Because those are all terrible. Deaq agrees with me. Van asks if Deaq has any suggestions. Deaq wants to call it "Ryde." Van doesn't seem impressed. Deaq uses the name in a bunch of sentences to show Van how it could work. Billie walks in, lit cigarette in hand, and tells the boys that it's time to get back to work. She wants them to meet up with Gavin and officially invite him to the club. She says that Gavin gets a massage every Tuesday, and she wants them to join him; she says that they need to be convincing because Gavin can sense liars. Deaq asks what's up with "the full-on Clarice Starling report" and asks how she knows so much about Gavin. Billie says that unlike the boys, she does her research. I'm totally distracted by the way that Tiffani Thiessen holds her cigarette. I can't pinpoint exactly what's wrong with it, but it looks weird. Billie walks off, and Van asks what's up with her. Van says he's getting sick of the way Billie keeps yelling at them. Deaq says that "obviously this Gavin guy has got her creased," but he doesn't know why.

Van and Deaq go to the fancy spa where Gavin gets his massage. An employee hands them towels and slippers, and explains that they have to wear them at all times. Deaq protests that wearing someone else's slippers is "unsanitary" and "nasty." The employee assures him that the slippers are steam-cleaned after each use. Deaq continues to protest. Van spots Gavin and says that they need to get going, but the employee refuses to let them in without the slippers. Deaqon spins a long tale about a friend of his who got athlete's foot, which turned to gangrene, and he had to get the leg amputated. Yeah, I don't know what that scene was all about either. The end result is that Deaq doesn't wear the slippers. But which is more likely to give you athlete's foot -- the steam-cleaned slippers, or the probably not cleaned as often tile floor? I ask you.

Whoop! Whoop! Shirtless Facinelli alert! Wearing only a towel, Van walks into the room where Gavin is getting his massage. Van gets the masseuse to leave, and they greet Gavin, explaining that they're the ones who shot at his boys at Aquarius's club. Gavin denies any involvement with that. Van says that they're opening their own club, and that he had better not shoot the place up. Gavin once again denies knowing anything. Deaq says that if he wants to talk about "moving party favors" at their club, they're ready to talk. The boys warn Gavin that he needs to know that he can't cross the line. What line? I don't know. It's hard to take them seriously when they're only wearing towels.

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Fastlane

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