Before I begin, I'd like to acknowledge Danny Drennan and his late, lamented 90210 Wrap-ups. They entertained me for years and taught me everything I know about recapping teen dramas. I couldn't possibly match his wit or style, but it gives me something to aim for.
The show begins with an intoned "Previously on Felicity," which is followed by a few scenes from the first season finale: Ben asking Felicity to go on the cross-country road trip and Knoll asking her to go to Berlin with him in one breath, then telling her he has already purchased a ticket for her in the next breath, with a little nostril flare in between. Assume much, Knollstrils? Felicity's voice-over says, "I didn't have to make a decision between Ben and Knoll, but I did." Um, yeah you did have to make that decision, because thankfully the writers realized the folly of having you "choose me" à la Kelly Taylor. Then we see Felicity in slow-motion getting into a cab and the driver asking, "So, where to?" And, once again, we all try to read her lips from the side as she tells the driver where she is going.
When the episode proper begins, it is with a slo-mo recap of the cab driver putting Felicity's luggage in the trunk, while she gets in the cab. While we relive the moment that she gets in the cab, we hear Felicity's voice saying, "It was the end of my freshman year, and there I was sitting in the cab." For what seems like the fourteenth time tonight, cab driver asks again, "So, where to?" Then we see that Felicity is recounting the story to Javier at a table in Dean & DeLuca. I'll just take a moment to say YEE FREAKIN' HAW, Javier is back! All of a sudden, a beeper goes off and Felicity looks at it then tells Javier that it "is Meghan, our floor meeting starts in fifteen minutes," all the while Javier's left snapping at flies and asking what the hell she did? Felicity gets up to leave and tells him that it is kind of a story and that she has to go and she'll tell him later. As she leaves and Javier implores her to finish the story, another employee approaches him. I only mention this because of the most excellent gesture he makes while telling the guy that he can't deal with him right now. The next time I need to shoo someone away from me, I'm going to employ Javier's patented arms-extended-flat-palms-out-pumping-arms-shoving-away-motion. I urge you to try it too -- even the dumbest shooee won't fail to grasp your meaning. Anyway, Javier tells Felicity that he will kill her if she doesn't tell him what happened. Felicity promises to come back and tell him everything after her meeting and Javier says that he's all emotional. Then Felicity kisses Javier and tells him she's so glad he got his visa. Except she pronounces it VEESE-ah instead of VEEZ-ah. Javier says, "Can joo believe that my life is so good now, HA ha!" Felicity thanks him for her schedule as she's going through the door and Javier threatens to fire her if she doesn't come back and tell him everything. To no one in particular he says, "Oh, it is so unfair."
Then we get the opening credits with the same unintelligible and somewhat tuneless "low-dee-doe-dah" singing soundtrack with some new pictures of the cast. Keri Russell is still shown with long hair which makes me wonder if that will change in a few episodes when she gets her hair cut on the show. Scott Speedman still looks pretty crushworthy, even in the profile shot. The first time we see Amy Jo Johnson it is with her damnable guitar! I was waiting for it to get a credit too. Next is the fabulous Tangi Miller with super awesome and practically waist-length braids. Her hair does deserve a credit. I just get the feeling that she is going to kick ass and take names this season. Greg Grunberg and Amanda Foreman are featured in the opening, which I guess augurs that they both are going to get bigger and better story lines this year. Last and least, is Scott Foley, in an extreme nostril-cam shot. Before anyone sends me a snotty note telling me that the name of his character is Noel, don't, because I know that. However, none of the characters on the show seem to know it because they persist in pronouncing his name Knoll, with just one syllable. Don't try to stop me because I've been doing it since the beginning of last season. But I have to ask, um, where is Ian Gomez's credit? Let the season begin.