Episode Report Card
Maggie: D | Grade It Now!
Booby traps and ballistics

Still back at the loft, Knoll has discovered the web site for "Ramblin' Dan's Rowdiest Ribs." Ben is all set to place his order when Knoll gets paged for his first tech-support call. As he's rushing to get out the door, he tells Ben that all he has to do is enter his credit card information, and his order will be placed. Knoll leaves the room and Sean "Balzac" Blumberg comes out of the bathroom. Sean walks over to Ben, who is sitting on the sofa, and thrusts his pelvis into Ben's face. Sean opens his robe and says, "Hey, y'know, I really think it's swollen. I really do. Can you just check it?" Ben flinches and says, "What?!? No way, no way, no way! No." Sean pleads, "Please, just feel my nut." Ben stammers, "Just go to a doctor that feels nuts!" Hey, sometimes you feel like feeling a nut, sometimes you don't. Knoll pipes up, "Yeah, like a neurologist." Ben concurs, "Yeah, go to one of them." Sean says okay and shuffles away. Okay, a couple of things here. "Just go to a doctor that feels nuts," reminds me of the punch line of an old grade-school joke: "He said, 'Show her yer nuts,' so I went 'Booga, booga, booga' [mimes crazy arm-waving and eye-rolling]." Secondly, according to my esteemed partner, Mick, no normal twenty-something man would ever ask a male friend to frisk his nerts in a non-sexual way. He says it is: Just. Not. Done. Furthermore, he says that he would "blanche to the power of a thousand" if one of his friends ever asked him to do such a favour. I did a little research with some experts in the field -- okay, it was my fellow MBTV writers -- and they pretty much agreed that this is another way the Felicity writers are illustrating Sean's extreme oddness. I guess he and Meghan really are meant for each other.

After the opening credits, Theodore Geisel spins in his grave during the trailer for the Jim Carrey abomination, The Grinch. I really see no need for live-action versions of cartoons, especially one as superb as How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I hope the ghost of Boris Karloff haunts Jim Carrey for the rest of his days. Victoria's Secret satin collection is specially priced for the holidays. What holidays? November 1 is All Saints Day -- is that what they're talking about? They can't mean the Christmas holidays, can they? That's not for another month and twenty-four days, fergodsack. Oh, the I-zone Pocket Camera and sticky film from Polaroid. Can I just say that I bought one not too long ago, and it is a piece of crap, and I've never been able to get it to work? I'd just return it, but I bought in Chicago. Polaroid sucks. There are cheap-ass boots and shoes at Payless. I've pretty much never had a bad experience at Payless. Did you know they have some funky handbags there, and they're really cheap? Okay, here's the stupid Wendy's commercial with the sitar music. Why do they only show that one and the NASCAR one in this time slot? Man, you'd think I'd realize by now that there's no such thing as a good Wendy's commercial, so I should just quit hoping for one.

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