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Booby traps and ballistics

Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck are in Bounce. I know for sure what I won't be doing on November 17th. AOL version 6.0. Why in hell does anyone still use it? People, you can live without all the dorky smileys. Save your money! A super-cute baby is in an ad for the Fisher-Price Sparkling Symphony Gym. This toy plays little snippets of classical music. What, they couldn't make something that plays Hooked on Phonics tapes? A not-as-cute baby is in another Fisher-Price commercial. This time it's for the Twirling Whirling Garden. What is up with the toy and diaper commercials? I can't imagine parents of young babies choosing to spend what little free time they have watching this show. Grosse Pointe moves to Sunday! Ted Casablanca is on the next episode! Hey, that's kind of cool. He doesn't care for Ms. Paltrow any more than I do, plus I've spent many an hour over at Fametracker trying to figure out to whom Ted is referring in his blind items. Now here's a McDonald's commercial in which they refer to the restaurant as "Mickey D's." For the love of all that is holy, please don't refer to that place as Mickey D's. I really hate that. An ad for Dryel, or as we call it in my household, Dr. Yell. You can use it to clean your boyfriend's stinky sweater so that when you look at black-and-white photos of him in your penthouse, your memories aren't sullied. Whatever. Heart's Barracuda is recycled for a Nissan Pathfinder commercial. Bleah.

Ben bursts into I Felta Thi headquarters and runs up to the Frattie Bubelattie who always wears the hattie, and demands to know where Randy is. When the frat dudes find out that Ben is Felicity's boyfriend, they tell him that she slept with Randy. Ben looks gobsmacked when they tell him that she "wasn't acting like she had any other commitments."

Richard and Molly are walking along the street, and Richard is venting his disgust for Felicity. Molly accuses Richard of being a puritan, and she suggests that she play Hester Prynne as she moves in for a clinch. Molly, using literary references on Richard is a bit dicey. I don't think he really gets it except for the "moving in for the clinch" part. Richard reminds her that he is student body president and he can't get caught up in any sex scandals. Molly suggests that they can be discreet, but Richard cries that she doesn't know anything about him, like where he's from, what his middle name is, or what his mother does for a living. The hell? What does it matter what his mother does? And who expects the student body president to not be sexually active? The University of New York isn't a seminary, is it? Molly asks if his middle name is Christopher and it is. Richard then gets totally paranoid and demands to know who tipped her off. He whispers, "My enemies are everywhere," and skulks away. Hmm, Richard Coad, that name could be shortened to Dick Coad. Does that mean that he has some sort of "dick code" that he has to live by? Personally, I just think he's a freak.

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