Felicity
Felicity

Episode Report Card
Kim: D | 453 USERS: C+
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The Depths

Ben is cleaning the espresso machine at Dean and Deluca to the strains of "Low Rider" by War. He looks out the front window and checks out a blonde woman dressed in a business suit, probably in her late twenties, who is talking animatedly into her cel phone. He keeps checking her out and rubbing the steaming nozzle, which is kind of suggestive now that I think about it. She comes in, asks for a hundred and twenty-five brownies by 5 PM, and asks if he can handle that. Ben kind of chuckles and says, "Can I handle that you really enjoy brownies or..." Blondie interrupts him by saying that she's a caterer, and she needs them for a party, and her chef just had an aneurysm, and "could you deliver the brownies or am I wasting my time?" I can't believe she's getting this worked up over brownies, but maybe that's why I can't afford high-powered business suits and cell phones like Blondie here -- I don't get that fired up about baked goods. Ben is a bit taken aback as well and says, "My manager's downstairs," although the captioning, for some reason, says "my men are just downstairs." People, which makes more sense? Ben picks up the phone and calls Javier. Since we only hear one side, I can't tell you what Javier said, but I bet it was funny. Ben tells him what he needs, then he says, "Blonde hair, Javier. Come up if you want to see her." Please, please, come up and see her, Javier! We miss you! No such luck, as Ben hangs up the phone and tells Blondie they can do it. She hands him a credit card and tells him very dismissively to "run it through quickly. I'm on a schedule." Ben is once again taken aback by her rudeness and says, "Yes, ma'am" in an offended tone.

Back on the subway, a guy walks onto Felicity and Julie's car, selling miscellaneous crap. I didn't think people really opened up their coats and offered to sell you stuff -- I though that only happened in the cartoons! Anyway, this fellow will be known as Annoying Vendor Guy. Felicity moves over to sit by Julie and asks if Julie got her message. Julie: "Yup." Felicity says that she stopped by last night, so was Julie going to call her? Julie: "Nope." Felicity says, "Is this, seriously, the way you're always going to talk to me?" Julie: "Yup." I never noticed before that Julie's speaking voice makes her sound twelve years old. Felicity moves back to her original seat, and we hear her telling Sally that her only comfort at this point was knowing that she only had four stops left with "Julie Emrick, singer of evil songs." Once again, a little heavy on the foreshadowing. Because of course, in the very next moment the subway squeals to a halt and all the lights go out and then come back on. There is a garbled announcement (and the captioning literally says "garbled announcement" which cracked me up). Felicity tells Sally that the only words she heard were "remain" and "calm," which she wouldn't have done if she knew what was about to happen, and that was the weirdest day of her life. Okay, writers, don't make me come back there and slap you around. When I say enough with the heavy-handed foreshadowing techniques, I'm not kidding. Cut. It. Out.

Felicity

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