Previously on Felicity: Felicity and Ben break into the university's pool to drink some beers and swim, and get busted by security. Mr. Porter tells Felicity that he and her mom are separating.
Fade in on Felicity's face, as she is making (all together now!) a tape to Sally. She begins, "Dear Sally: I'm in trouble." We see Felicity enter an office where a woman is playing some opera music at high volume and attempting to move something or plug something in, but whatever her task, she's struggling. I wish I were cultured and could tell you the composer of the opera music, but I'm not. If I were, would I be watching this show? All I know is, it sounds to me like the "Oompa Loompa Song" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Anyway, Felicity says, "Excuse me?" and asks after a certain professor. The struggling woman continues struggling, and says the professor is on "indefinite leave." Felicity starts to leave, and then comes back and asks if the professor is okay. Struggling Woman says he's fine, but he had a family emergency. Meanwhile, she lights up a cigarette, as if smoking were not illegal in nearly all buildings these days. Who sponsored the show this week, Phillip Morris? Struggling Woman asks whether Felicity is "one of his students." Felicity says he was her counselor. The woman says she is taking over for him, and introduces herself as "Toni Pavone," then Felicity gives her name. Toni seems to recognize Felicity's name, and walks over to her desk to look in a file. After glancing at it, she says, "You're in trouble. Close the door. Sit down." Toni scans through the file and pulls out some keywords for those viewers who missed the episode two weeks ago: "You broke into the pool...drinking...Ben Covington...why did you break into the pool?" Didn't she just answer her own question? Felicity was drinking with Ben Covington! It makes women do crazy things! Felicity says she doesn't know. Toni cranks up the opera again. This time it's much less Oompa Loompa-esque. Felicity says breaking into the pool was a "stupid and immature thing to do and we're both very sorry." Toni just says, "Well, that's good." Felicity asks whether she is going to be expelled. Toni doesn't answer, because otherwise why would we watch the rest of the episode? Instead, she starts telling a story about some kid in 1986, who got drunk and dove into the pool, and ended up in a coma for fifteen days. Then the university had to pay a lot of money in legal bills, and there was an article about it in the paper. She interrupts herself to say, "Do you know this? Monteverdi." Felicity didn't know it either. Toni goes on to say that the university has a "zero-tolerance policy," so in addition to her punishment, Felicity will have mandatory alcohol counseling. Toni asks her if "Wednesday at 3" is a good time. Just then, Ben knocks at the door and enters grinning. He really doesn't have a thought in his pretty little head, does he? ["Ask me if I care." -- Wing Chun] Toni asks who he is, and when he answers, "Ben Covington," she says, "You're in trouble. Close the door. Sit down."