Truth And Consequences

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Truth And Consequences

Previously on Felicity: Felicity found out that her parents got married because her mother was pregnant. Ruby told Knoll that she was late and that she's "never late." At least she didn't make reference to being "like clockwork" because I hate references to women's innards as being like Swiss-made gears.

Ruby and Knoll are sitting on a couch in his apartment. Ruby studies a small piece of white plastic. Knoll is looking at some papers and declares that the picture of the "woman sitting on the toilet" is "the worst graphic of all time." Clearly, he hasn't seen noelcrane.com. Ruby figures out that she just needs to "pee on this thing and then we know." Okay, I realize that they are both under a lot of strain here, but who doesn't know how a pregnancy test works? Even if you don't have personal experience, they are used as plot points on just about every television show ever made, up to and including this one. Knoll reads the instructions out loud and expresses his amazement that it only takes two minutes to get results. Ruby asks how late you have to be. Knoll says "any day after you're late" and then adds that "blue is no and pink is...pink is not no." Ruby thinks that her lateness might be a result of being "tense" or "screwed up because of stress." ["That certainly does happen. Not that I would know, or anything." -- Wing Chun] Knoll quickly agrees, saying that Ruby doesn't have to take the pregnancy test if she doesn't want to. Ruby expands upon her stress theory by saying that she "blew [her] Czarist costumes quiz" and she's been "breaking out." I swear, the makeup department glued one fake zit on her face for this scene, because other than that she has flawless skin. Ruby says she's also been "crampy" and Knoll says with way too much enthusiasm, "cramps are fantastic!" The irony is, as most women know, that the symptoms of pregnancy are very similar to the symptoms of incipient menstruation. It's one of Mother Nature's little tricks. Anyway, they both agree that they can just do the test later.

Ben and Felicity are visiting Dr. Toni Pavone, who is emptying her ashtray. The good doctor tells the terrible twosome that they are lucky the Dean didn't make a bigger example out of them. Ben says that they were just swimming, and Toni adds sharply that they were drinking -- "swimming while drunk" -- and asks whether Ben remembers that part, or if he was too drunk. Ha! I like Ben and all, but it's nice to see him put in his place once in a while. Toni sentences them to complete fifty hours of community service. Felicity and Ben think fifty is a lot. Dude, there's easily ten weeks left in the semester. Just do five hours per week. It's not that hard. I mean, Ben has all this spare time to play basketball outdoors in January, so it's not like there's a time crunch. Anyway, Ben expresses his dismay at the amount of hours and Toni replies, "Ergo, punishment." Ben says it's stupid since nobody got hurt. Toni gives them a list of possible community-service tasks, and tells them that the humane society one is already taken, which seems like a weird thing to say unless it's going to be a plot point later, or unless it was a shout-out to the dead dog Lucky or something. Toni also points out that they still have to keep their appointments with her. Ben expresses more disdain, since that's pretty much all he has done in this scene. Toni tells him to "change his tone" since she set the hours at fifty and she can go higher. She finishes by reminding them to choose their service by the end of the week.

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