Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | 6 USERS: A-
So Long, and Thanks for All the Super
t and blah. Even after Lois gives Clark a nice pep talk about how they make each other better people, Clark is still just the blackest little cloud you ever saw. "What if you were right?" he asks. "With your family not being here, and the doubts you had yesterday, maybe the stars aren't aligned." Lois exposits that her father is in a meeting with the White House Chief of Staff, but she's not going to let that stop her. On opposite sides of the door, they talk about their families for a very long time. Finally, Clark starts reading Lois's vows. We hear the whole thing, in her voice, about having each other's backs and being there for each other and so on. Finally, after several long, teary pauses, Clark tells her he'll see her at the chapel. Providing they don't each change their minds another dozen times on the way.

Meanwhile, Tess is driving along an abandoned back road near the monorail. She's been trying to reach someone, anyone, but can't because of atmospheric interference. Also because there is a gigantic goddamn planet in the sky. She starts to leave a message on someone's voicemail, not sure it's even getting through, when she notices a black SUV bearing down on her from behind. It swerves in front of her and slams on the brakes. A man gets out and points a gun at her. She tries to reverse but another car pulls up behind her, blocking her way. A second man shatters her window.

Chapel. The guests have assembled. Chloe and Oliver apparently hung up more greenery. A string quartet plays Pachelbel's Canon. Ugh, this music. Kill them all, Apokolips! Kill them now! A cute usher walks Martha to her seat. Oliver and Chloe walk down the aisle, arm in arm, beaming at each other. Chloe's dress is a flattering shade of teal. Finally Lois makes her entrance, wearing a totally different dress than before. She pauses for a moment, looks scared as she looks out over all the expectant guests. Everything goes dead quiet. Clark appears beside her and takes her hand. They smile at each other and walk to the altar together. Guests start snapping pictures of the happy couple. Clark, of course, is not wearing his glasses. You know what? I bet everybody ends up instantly recognizing that Superman is Clark and they just don't have the heart to tell him his intermittent disguise is terrible. Everybody is just going to humor the poor oaf. Anyway, they take ages to walk down the aisle in slow motion. Ghost Dad is standing beside Martha, beaming with pride. He's even put on a clean suit for the occasion. Nice to know the afterlife has a Men's Warehouse.

We hear them read the vows we heard them reading earlier, all over again, word for word. At the end, Oliver steps forward to hold the groom's ring out to Lois. Chloe frowns, no doubt puzzled as to why the ring suddenly looks like butterscotch candy instead of gold. Discordant music plays. As Lois moves to put the ring on Clark's finger, the band suddenly lights up. Chloe: "Nooo!" She whacks Lois's hand, sending the ring flying. Oliver glares at everybody with black eyes. "Get everybody out of here!" Clark shouts. Their guests scatter. "Surrender to the darkness," Oliver says in a deep voice. Clark refuses, so Oliver punches him through a stained glass window. Wouldn't it have been easier to just shoot Clark with some gold kryptonite from a distance? Preferably before the ceremony so we wouldn't have to sit through the vows for a second time?

Lois runs up to Oliver, although what she thinks she's going to do is a mystery, and he tosses her across the room. Clark zips in, catches her in midair, then whooshes her to safety. A moment later, he whooshes back. "Oliver, this isn't you," he says. "Don't let it take you over." Oliver moves to attack him. Clark rolls him down the aisle like a particularly attractive bowling ball. That bowl of black water is bubbling away. How did no one notice this as they were walking into the church? Clark tells him to fight it off. Oliver fights Clark instead. At one point, they crash into the bowl of gross water. Clark slides and nearly face-plants into the butterscotch ring. Oliver grabs it. He and Clark circle around each other. "I'm not giving up on you, Oliver," Clark says. "You have a good heart; let it guide you. You and I, we have to save the world together. I need you to be a hero." Clark spreads his arms, tells Oliver it's his choice. "I believe in you," Clark says. Oliver stares hard at the ring, then crushes it in his fist. He drops to his knees as angelic music plays. The Omega flashes on his forehead, then vaporizes. Black ooze oozes out of Oliver's eyes. Clark smiles and helps him up. "Everything's OK now." "No, it's not," Oliver says. They look out the window and see Apokolips beginning to eclipse the sun.

Kent Farm. The house has turned into a hub of activity. Lois plays back Tess's garbled voicemail. Clark uses his super-hearing to pick out the words: "I was trying to warn you. Watchtower... is compromised. [Something unintelligible.] According to the journals, Apokolips is an actual planet and it's coming." What journals? The journals they've had for years and have supposedly pored over repeatedly? Bah! Clark figures that's why Darkseid wanted Oliver to put the ring on him. That or Darkseid is a slash fan and wanted to see them married. Martha's just gotten off the phone with the General, who's not a big fount of information. Martha says she'll call in "every available agent" to help. Is she still the Red Queen? Because she's been slacking lately. Chloe decides to go back to Star City so she can access her database. Before she leaves, she gives Clark an emotional hug that for some reason surprises him. He exchanges weird looks with Oliver. "See ya in the funny pages," Chloe says. Oliver walks out with Chloe. He wants to go with her, but she tells him to stay behind and be a hero. If not for the episode opening seven years in the future, Chloe would have seemed like a goner for sure at this point. They have an epic-looking kiss as lightning flashes and the sky grows dark.

Clark, Lois and Martha fret at the window. Clark sees Ghost Dad standing on the front stoop and follows him out to the barn. "Dad?" Clark asks in awe. "I knew you'd see me again when you were ready," Jonathan says. He's changed out of his wedding attire and back into his work clothes. Does he have a closet somewhere for all his ghost clothes? Clark takes several ragged breaths and admits he made a mistake in leaving his father behind. "It's you and Mom and everyone I care about that makes this world worth saving," Clark says. The other 6.7 billion people not so much. Clark is scared to face Darkseid again. Jonathan tells him that he needs to turn to Jor-El. Martha joins them. "Don't doubt yourself, Clark; this has been coming for a long time." Ten long, long years. They have a group hug as a firestorm rages outside. Finally, Jonathan tells him it's time. Or well past time. Clark smiles at his parents and whooshes away.

Lab. Tess comes to under the harsh glare of an overhead light. Lionel's face looms into view. "It's good to have you back," he says. He pets her hair. She tries to sit up, but he puts his hand right between her boobs. He moves on to holding her face, touching her lower lip. Bad touch! VERY BAD TOUCH! She heaves herself up off the autopsy table on which she'd been lying. Tess wants badly to get to Clark but Lionel says Clark doesn't need her. "Time to embrace your lineage," he tells her. "Time to become the Luthor you were destined to be." He starts waxing loony about all the different Lex clones and how Lex managed to put the best pieces of them together. Here he goes over to a wall of specimen jars filled with various fleshy blobs and goos. The only piece that Frankenstein's monster needs now is a heart, which is where Tess comes in. Tess tries to get away, but a guard stands in her way. Lionel rubs her shoulders and chest from behind. "Before the day is done, I will see the Luthor name resurrected, more powerful than ever." He kisses Tess's hair and looks again at the wall of specimen jars. The camera pushes through, al

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