The party you have called -- "Earth" -- is no longer in service. Information about the Alliance can be found in your phone book's blue pages. For all your black-market needs on the hinterplanets, contact "Mal's Antiheroes," found in the yellow pages under "Suppliers, third-party, vaguely principled."

Previously: The folks of Serenity engaged in some crime, but punked out whenever said crime actually hurt somebody. Well, somebody who was noble yet poor. River was crazy. Jayne was mean to Simon. Simon worried about what the Academy did to River. River muttered about "hands of blue." The Dishwashers of Doom and their blue gloves started asking around for River.

Serenity soars through space as the twang of country music reminds us that it's a space Western, y'all. Actually, unlike previous episodes, the Western part of the show is in very limited supply tonight. Thank God.

Inside the ship, in the common area, Jayne cleans his gun. We'll pause for a moment of naughty reflection. Aaaand we're done. Kaylee and Inara play cards over at another table. Simon is trying to convince River to…ohmygod, he's not wearing a vest! It's like Bizarro World! What next? Will he kiss a girl? Anyway, Simon, wearing a black pullover, is trying to convince River to eat something that looks like tofu. He tries to convince her that it's good by trying some himself. But it's awful, and he nearly gags. Then he still tries to convince her that it's good. Jayne spits out, "It smells like crotch." And we'll have another pause. A little longer this time? Okay, then. Back?

Wash and Zoe wander in, arguing. Like Simon, Zoe's not in her typical ensemble, instead wearing a loose orange blouse and pants. Wash is trying to convince Zoe to get off the ship and have some fun on some core planet they are approaching. Based on the description (Zoe says they'll get the firing squad for littering), it's obvious that this planet is very much an Alliance stronghold. Zoe doesn't want to set foot on a central planet because of sensors and feds and the black helicopters and the U.N. trying to force them all into work camps, et cetera. Wash asks Inara to try to convince Zoe that there is fun to be had on the planet. Inara says that the planet -- named Ariel -- is a very pretty place with museums and fine restaurants. Wash whines that Inara just made it sound all boring. Wash appeals to Simon to come up with something a little butcher. Good luck there. Simon mentions hiking and swimming in a bioluminescent lake. I'm not sure I'd like that. I think there'd be some creepy, glowing residue afterward. Zoe insists that she's not setting foot on Ariel.