Then Mal comes in to bring everybody down by insisting that nobody's getting to play on Ariel. Awww. No swimming in toxic goo for Wash. Mal exposits that they're there to drop off Inara and that's all. That's not enough exposition for Jayne, who wants to know what the point of coming to a core planet was if he doesn't get to leave the ship. Mal says that he could have gotten off with Book at Bathgate Abbey. Yay! No Book! Happy dance. Mal says Jayne could have been meditating on the wonders of his own rock garden. Jayne mutters, "It beats just sitting." Wash points out that meditating is just sitting. Still not enough exposition, though; Kaylee asks Inara how long she'll be on Ariel. She says she'll be a day or two. Jayne licks a really big knife. I'm afraid I can't pause for that much naughty reflection. Just store it in your hippocampus for now and bring it up later. Inara has to undergo a "physical examination" every year, according to guild law. They're totally testing her for filthy diseases.
Over at the dinner table, Jayne hocks up a big loogie on his whetstone. I probably just lost all the expectoraphiles for good. Hey, come back! Oh, wait. I'm not sure if I want the expectoraphiles around. Simon, who happens to be sitting to Jayne's left, looks at him with disgust and says, "Can you not do that while we're ever?" Jayne glares at him and spits on his whetstone again. I'm not sure if there will be description of Jayne's activities in this recap that won't sound like a double entendre. Wash mutters about how awful doctors are so that Simon can remind us that he's a doctor. Oh, yeah. Except for Simon. Simon's not awful. Unless you mean "awful pretty."
Meanwhile, River has walked over to a counter and picked up a very large knife. Then she walks up to Jayne and slashes him directly across the chest as he's teasing Simon. Ow. Jayne reacts in pain and instinctively backhands River across the room. His shirt, incidentally, bears the logo "Blue Sun" on it. Apparently, this logo was also on the box of crackers River molested back in "Shindig." I didn't mention it because I couldn't tell from watching. I only know because I read it on a script page online. And I probably wouldn't have noticed Jayne's shirt if somebody hadn't pointed it out on the forums. There is such a thing as being too subtle. Although that's generally not a trap television shows fall into. There's no time to be subtle when they've got anvils to hurl. Some people run to Jayne's side; some run to River's. She recovers from Jayne's punch, her mouth bleeding, and says, "He looks better in red." Everybody looks confused and concerned. Jayne gasps in pain through it all.