Yay! Furry chest! Simon's needle penetrates Jayne's hey, where are you going? Cold shower? Okay, then. For the rest of you, Simon sews up Jayne's chest wound in the infirmary as Jayne growls about River being off her rocker. Simon tries to apologize for River's behavior, but Jayne's not hearing it. He tells Mal, who is watching the proceedings, that they need to dump Simon and River. He says Ariel's a good place to leave them behind, and they could even snag a reward. Mal insists that nobody is getting left behind. Jayne threatens, "You don't pitch [River] off this boat right now, I swear to you " "What?" Mal menaces right back. "What do you swear, Jayne?" Jayne backs off his threat in the face of true alpha-maleness and goes for the "people besides me are at risk" angle by telling Mal that he'd better lock his door at night. Because if River flips out again, who knows who she'll go after? He mentions Kaylee and Inara as potential future victims of River's demented behavior. Mal leans in close to Jayne -- because god knows there isn't enough homoeroticism among these three guys -- to repeat that River and Simon are part of the crew and aren't getting left behind. Jayne looks at Mal, cowed. Jayne's a total butch bottom. He likes to pretend that he's dominant, but behind closed doors he wants to be ordered around. Then Jayne tosses Simon his manly, ripped shirt and tells him that he owes him a new one before stalking out of the infirmary.
After Jayne's gone, Mal tells Simon that River is to be confined to her room at all times. If she needs to go to the kitchen, or anywhere else, Simon has to ask Mal first. Simon agrees. Mal says that part of their agreement when he let Simon and River on the ship was that Simon would keep her in check. Despite what he just said to Jayne, Mal tells Simon that if he can't keep River under control, they may have to "revisit the deal." Simon looks really sad, but agrees. Mal observes, "She's getting worse, isn't she?" Simon simply responds, "Yes."
Oooooh. Fancy CGI! Serenity lands on a planet that is chock full of futuristic buildings. Inside the cargo bay, most of the crew plays horseshoes (see, it's a contrast to the fancy-schmancy city of the future), while Inara and Kaylee wander down one of the catwalks. Kaylee projects that perhaps Inara will meet a young, handsome doctor who will ask her out. Inara chuckles because that's not going to happen because Simon is gay. Kaylee has a little heart patch on the pocket of her overalls. For some reason, she reminds me of Handy Smurf, who was, incidentally, the only Smurf who didn't get on my last nerve. ["Totally off-topic, I'd like to report the disturbing news that MS Word's spell check doesn't flag the word 'Smurf.' And now, back to your recap already in progress." -- Sars] Kaylee asks what the companion policy on dating is. Inara says, "It's complicated." There's probably a percentage discount issue, and that screws up all the tax tables. Inara tells Kaylee to stay out of trouble, and they give each other a little peck on the cheek. I seem to have lost all the straight boys now. Inara heads off for her Pap smear. Eww.