Heart Of Gold

Episode Report Card
Shack: C | 15 USERS: B+
Gunfight At The Ho K Corral

The two ladies who talked to Book before come up to him again while he's hammering to discuss what they'd like him to say over their bodies if they should get killed. Rather than being a good man of the cloth and listening to these women's fears and preparing for that very realistic eventuality, he simply insists to them that nobody's going to die. He really is one of the worst preachers on television, next to RevCam. I know it's not technically a lie, because Book has no way of knowing the future, but what preacher with the sense God gave a ferret would presume to know what the outcome would be in the first place? What is he going to say to these women if people do actually die? If I were a religious person, I don't think I would find it comforting to have a spiritual leader which such a weak grasp of reality in dangerous circumstances. I mean, you can comfort people without stringing them along idiotically.

Meanwhile, the "stupid" one, Jayne, up in a bedroom, tells his new best friend that some folks are going to get killed. He explains to her how people are going to panic, and warns her not to lose her wits. See? Jayne rules. Book drools. We see next to the bed a long table that is absolutely covered with guns. Jayne's temporary girlfriend has been put on weapon-handling duty. Again. Snerk. Sorry. Anyway, she's going to make sure Jayne's always got a loaded gun to shoot with. Hee. Snerk. Sorry. Incidentally, there's really effective natural lighting in this room. I know I've teased a few times in past episodes, but they've done some pretty effects with lighting throughout the series. After he's done with all the explaining, she jumps on his lap, so they can -- you know -- that. I'd make another weapons joke, but they're not as funny if they actually are about sex.

Outside, Wash and Zoe are arguing about having a baby as they kick sand over some trap. Apparently Zoe wants to have a baby, but Wash doesn't, because he thinks their lives are too dangerous. What we've learned about the characters so far made me feel that the positions would be reversed -- conservative, cautious Zoe would resist motherhood, while goofy, snarky, occasionally immature Wash would want one. But Wash is once again of the "this is all so dangerous!" mindset, even though he voluntarily joined it long before he and Zoe were a couple. Zoe says that she doesn't want to abandon the chance to have a child just because there's a possibility they could lose it. She says they'd make a beautiful child together (true, that), gives him a meaningful look, and walks off.

Nandi and Mal are fiddling around in some other room in the house. In a cute touch, we can hear Jayne off-screen, giving his temporary girlfriend shooting lessons. Apparently, every time she misses the target, she has to, uh, "give up a special treat" to Jayne. See, I don't think that's the kind of incentive that will actually improve her accuracy. I'm just saying. Mal comments that Jayne's going to cost them all the credit they've earned from the house before they even finish the mission. Nandi jokes that after they save all their lives, Mal and the crew can do some chores around the house. She adds that she's surprised that the crew isn't "taking more out of trade" out of the house. Mal points out that they aren't some big greedy conglomerate. He adds that Book is a preacher, Wash is married, and Simon -- there's a pause here where I can only assume that Mal is about to say "is gay," but then remembers that there are some affectionate boys there as well. He concludes instead, "Well, he'd have to relax for thirty seconds to get his play. And that would be a miracle." This discussion takes place while Mal looks over a stash of old-fashioned concealable guns Nandi owns. It turns out that when Nandi commented about the crew not taking advantage of the erotic opportunities, she was referring to Mal. She wants to know when Mal is going to let his crotch rocket out for a drive. Mal hems and haws about having work to do. Nandi says Mal hasn't even noticed the women, and asks him if he's "sly," which is Firefly slang for gay. Mal sputters and demands, "Who told you that? Was it Simon? I was drunk! I thought he was a girl! Have you seen his skin?" No, he doesn't. He does say he's not "sly" -- he just wants to take things "one at a time" and doesn't like "complications." Nandi says, "Oh, I'm certain of that." Mal wonders why she's smiling all of the sudden. Nandi reminds him that she has had "companion training" and is therefore capable into seeing into the heart and soul of every human being, or whatever. That must be why I find Inara so dull -- she's the crew's Troi.

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