Firefly
Firefly

Episode Report Card
Shack: B | 1054 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
A Hero Ain't Nothin' But A Box-Dropping Man-Ape Gone Wrong

Back on Serenity, the antiheroes unload their contraband. It appears to be some sort of creamy substance in metal molds. The natural inclination would be to think that it's the mud, but that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, given what we've been told about the job so far. Kessler was some sort of middleman, storing contraband from elsewhere to be picked up for delivery. And why bury mud? I decide that the cargo is white chocolate. I'm sure that's probably in short supply out on the hinterplanets. After they're done unloading, Mal grabs Kaylee so that they can go fetch their "wayward babes." Read into that what you will.

Back at the Jayne Day celebration, the hero of Canton is standing in front of the statue of himself as the crowd cheers. GayMudderRick starts a "Speech!" chant. That mud must really be good for the skin, if Rick is any indication. Jayne stammers out, "Uh…no good with words though. Don't use 'em much myself." Well, not properly, anyway. He thanks them all for coming out. He continues, "Far as I see it, you people have been given the shortest end of the stick ever been offered a soul in this crap-hill 'verse. But you took that end, and…well…you took it! And I guess that's something." The crowd applauds. Mal and Kaylee have returned to pick up Jayne, and Kaylee observes that Jayne didn't sound half-bad. Yeah, if you don't think about the fact that Jayne essentially just complimented the mudders for putting up with whatever they get.

Suddenly, the fête is interrupted by the sound of gunfire. It's Stitch, just in time, but he's not interested in saving nine. Whatever the hell that cliché means. The crowd parts, and he's standing just behind them, propping up Simon. He throws Simon roughly ten feet away from him to the ground. Man, did they squeeze a curling bench into that crate or something? Jayne recognizes his former partner. Stitch laughs maliciously and tells Jayne he wanted to make him watch while he butchered one of Jayne's "boys." I raise an eyebrow. Jayne responds that Simon isn't one of his "boys." I raise the other eyebrow. I think "yet" is the operative term here. Jayne asks Stitch where he's been hiding, and points out that he's not going to be appearing in the style section of the Canton Daily Observer, what with the hair and the missing eye and all.

Firefly

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