Episode Report Card
Shack: B- | 6 USERS: C-
A Hero Ain't Nothin' But A Box-Dropping Man-Ape Gone Wrong

Back on the ship, Book wanders by to see how River's entertaining herself. She's sitting at the table in the dining area, "fixing" Book's Bible. This prompts a double take from Book. River explains that Book's Bible is "broken." It's full of "contradictions, false logistics -- it doesn't make sense." River's marking out passages and writing notations in the margins of the Bible and even tearing out pages. That's okay -- I don't think those right-wing religious television watchdog groups could possibly hate Mutant Enemy's shows more than they already do. I think they've already burned an effigy of Joss after that scene with Tara and Willow in "Once More With Feeling." You know the one I mean. River babbles about eleven being a prime number for some unknown reasons. KRZY must be broadcasting Mad Science Hour. Book sits down next to River, who explains that Noah's Ark is a problem. She suggests some sort of technobabble explanation in order to try to make it remotely believable that 5,000 species of mammal were stuffed on the same boat. She pulls out some more pages as Book tries to stop her. Book tells her that you don't "fix" the Bible. River repeats that it's "broken." It doesn't make sense. Book explains that "it's not about making sense. It's about believing in something, and letting that belief be real enough to change your life. It's about faith. You don't fix faith. Faith fixes you." Wow, he's the most unconvincing preacher I've ever heard. I think there are atheists who have made stronger arguments about faith than that. So River points out that parts of the Bible don't seem to add up, and his argument is to just believe in it anyway? You're supposed to have faith in something that you don't think could actually be true? Worst. Preacher. Ever. Fortunately, River doesn't seem convinced. He tries to pull the pages away from her, but she won't let go. Eventually they rip in half.

The antiheroes hang out at one of them dusty bars with that lovely overhead lighting caused by holes in the roof. A man with a hat like one of those mop heads made out of fabric strips idly plays the guitar. Jayne mutters that a statue in his honor "goes against every kind of sense." Wash agrees, then takes a swig of something. He promptly spits it out disgustedly. Jayne explains that it's a concoction called "mudders milk" -- full of all the nutrients and vitamins they need. Toss some Total cereal in a blender, add some vodka, and mix thoroughly. This prompts a lengthy and boring story by Simon about how the ancient Egyptians had a similar drink. See, because Simon's smart and pretty. He says a similar drink used to help keep the slaves in line and prevent an insurrection.

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