Episode Report Card
Shack: B- | 6 USERS: C-
A Hero Ain't Nothin' But A Box-Dropping Man-Ape Gone Wrong

Now here is what separates heroes,
from common folk like you and I
The man they called Jayne, he turned around that plane
And let that money hit the sky.

Ohhhhh. Now Jayne understands. When he was fleeing from the magistrate in a stolen hovercraft, the ship got hit by weapons fire, and he had to dump all the money to stay airborne. Now he knows where the money went. I'm wondering how all these people knew who Jayne was in the first place. Did he live there for a while before the gig? If he just showed up for the theft and then fled, how would these people even know what he looked like well enough to build a statue, let alone his name? Oh, right -- suspension of disbelief. I'll have to get that looked at. Wash says that they need to find the crappy town where he's the hero. The song winds down, and everybody cheers. Yay, Jayne!

Back on Serenity, it's time for some more religion hijinks. Sacrilicious! River wanders by Book's quarters, "explaining" that she tore pages out of Book's "symbol" but they "turned into paper" and she wants to put them back. Well, okay then. Book turns around from some washing to reveal that when he doesn't have his hair pulled back, he looks just like Albert Einstein. The sight of Book's untamed hair causes River to shriek, throw the Bible pages up into the air, and run away. Perhaps soon everybody on the ship will get wild hairstyles to keep River at bay. Zoe wanders by to find out what the heck is going on, and stops short herself at the spectacle of Book's hair.

Back at the bar, Jayne suggests that they all get the heck out of there before things get any more bizarre. Oh, too late. They head outside and encounter a huge mob of people waiting. Peter Pan told them all Jayne was back, and they've all gathered to give him a big hero's welcome. Jayne freaks out and rushes back into the bar. He passes by a pretty young man, who stares at him longingly. You may recall this guy as Fratboy Rick from 24. I didn't recognize him at first with his shirt on. Apparently, having spent a truly horrific day with the idiot Spawn of Kiefer has ruined him for all women. Jayne demands some mudder's milk, but when he starts drinking, GayMudderRick blows -- sorry! -- reveals Jayne's identity. This prompts the bartender to knock the milk out of Jayne's hands and give him the good stuff -- whiskey! Everybody cheers. Yay! Whiskey! Can I have some, too?

Suddenly ShavedMacy is around again, and gets all pissy at Mal because they're not keeping a low profile. He's afraid he's going to get all chopped into bog burger himself. Mal lies and says this all part of their new plan, then wanders off. Kaylee and Simon return to the bar as well. Kaylee asks Mal how this is all part of the plan. Mal's still working out that part. People celebrate.

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