Firefly
Jaynestown

Episode Report Card
Shack: B- | 6 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
A Hero Ain't Nothin' But A Box-Dropping Man-Ape Gone Wrong

Commercials. When we return, Inara is preparing a tea ceremony in her shuttle. Mr. Higgins stops by, and lest we have to deal with the awful sight of Inara getting her groove on with an older unattractive guy (oh, the horror!), it turns out that Inara is actually there for Higgins's son, Fess. Fess is wearing ugly glasses and has his hair slicked back to make it look like he's not an attractive male model. Inara offers some pleasantries, but Mr. Higgins interrupts to complain about all the tea nonsense. Inara tries to explain that it's a traditional companion greeting ceremony, but Higgins doesn't have time for that. He's got exposition to spit out. And also, Magnum's run off on his own again to solve the murder of a pineapple farmer, and Higgins has to go find him before he gets himself into trouble. Again. He exposits that Fess here is twenty-six and "he ain't yet a man." Higgins wants Inara to drop all the nonsense and just do Fess already. There's no explanation as to why a pretty guy like Fess can't get laid. Apparently that part may have gotten cut from the script. Although it's more fun to use your imagination. That's certainly the motto on our forums, anyway. Inara tells Mr. Higgins that he's not allowed to stay in the shuttle. Ew! I would certainly hope not. In fact, she has to sort of politely force Mr. Higgins off the shuttle, indicating to me that he wanted to stay and make sure that Fess did the deed. Ew! Ewwwww!

Back at the bar, Jayne is drinking in the wages of hero worship. And more booze. The mudders cheer, "To Jayne!" Jayne cheers, "To me!"

Elsewhere in the bar, Simon has decided to deal with all the new competition for Jayne's attention by getting plastered with Kaylee. Seriously -- Simon's acting like a guy who just got dumped. He drunkenly explains to Kaylee that he's saved lives as a doctor. He reattached some girl's leg. She named her hamster after him. Simon laments that he gets a hamster, while Jayne drops a box of money and gets a whole town. Oh, Simon, I bet she might have offered you more, but she could tell that you don't like girls that way. Simon offers up a toast to Jayne: "The box-dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong thing." Oh, Simon is so obsessed with Jayne. It's hysterical. Kaylee laughs and says that Simon is "pretty fun." Simon responds, "And you're pretty…pretty." Uh-oh -- sounds like drunken closing-time flirtation. He's lost Jayne to the masses, but doesn't want to go home alone. Kaylee asks Simon to repeat that. He repeats that Kaylee is pretty, even when she's covered with engine grease. Especially when she's covered with engine grease. Because she looks like a tomboy. Emphasis on "boy."

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Firefly

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