Episode Report Card
Shack: B- | 6 USERS: C-
A Hero Ain't Nothin' But A Box-Dropping Man-Ape Gone Wrong

Back at the bar, Jayne is hanging out with GayMudderRick and some nameless woman designed to keep the episode from going all Queer as Folk. GayMudderRick explains that the magistrate tried to get the money back, but all the mudders rebelled. So the magistrate allowed them to keep the money and called it a "bonus." Then, when the magistrate tried to have the statue of Jayne destroyed, the mudders rioted. Jayne has descended well into friendly drunk mode, and pulls GayMudderRick and BeardLady in for a big hug over the fact that they all rioted for him. Woo hoo! Three-way!

Elsewhere, Herr Mudkoff has come by to see Higgins. Higgins says, "My son is out there. I pray to god, losing his cherry." Ew! Ewwwwww! Ewwwww! Herr Mudkoff gives Higgins the news that Jayne's come back to town.

Cut to the bog, where there are a bunch of wooden boxes built on stilts. Each box is about the size of a small walk-in closet. These are essentially what passes for prison cells in Canton. Higgins and Herr Mudkoff head over to one and unlock the door. Higgins yells to an unseen man inside, named Stitch, that he's done serving his time and is free to go. The Didgeridoo Of Plot Twists plays as a bearded, long-haired man with one eye missing crawls out of the chamber. He doesn't look anything like a supernaturally cute blue alien koala bear. Higgins hands over Stitch's personal effects. And a loaded gun. Stitch is a bit confused as to why Higgins would keep him locked up for four years, then give him a weapon to use against him. Higgins suggests that Stitch might want to think about the partner who betrayed him in the first place and caused Stitch's capture. Higgins asks, "How high up was that shuttle when your partner pushed you out?" It seems that money wasn't the only thing that landed in the middle of Canton's town square. Funny how that's not mentioned in the song. Stitch lost the eye in the fall as well. Higgins tells Stitch that the "poetical [sic]" part of Stitch's release is that Jayne is back in town. It would be "poetical" if it were just a coincidence, but since you're actually releasing Stitch because Jayne is…oh, Higgins is just trying to be clever. And failing. Higgins wishes Stitch good luck starting his new life, and walks off. Stitch stands there, with very good posture for a man who has lived in a box for four years. Then he ratchets the shotgun for dramatic effect. Why can't he kill Higgins and Jayne?

Commercials. If you don't get pictures on your cell phone, you risk pooping your pants in an Asian country.

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