After everybody shuts up again, Simon says that River does seem to be deeply intuitive. Mal interrupts to say that he doesn't think it's intuition; he thinks River's a "reader" of some sort. Zoe realizes that Mal means "psychic." Wash asks if that's even possible. Mal calls on Simon for an answer. Simon says that the Academy has definitely altered the way she reacts and perceives things. Wash says, "Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction." Zoe responds, "We're in a spaceship, dear." Can I call for a moratorium on meta-humor? Seriously, it was fun for a few years, but it's gotten really tired. Even on The Simpsons. Especially on The Simpsons. Jayne asks if they really think River can read minds. Mal thinks she can. Book says he thinks so, too. Jayne says he doesn't like the idea of anybody hearing what he's thinking. Inara snarks that nobody likes the idea of hearing what Jayne's thinking. Oh, now Inara cracks her own jokes. Hypocrite. And I'm sure you don't have to have psychic powers to know what Jayne is thinking: "Sex, food, sex, food, sleep, guns, food, sex, guns, guns, guns, Simon, food, guns." Book says the Alliance could have a number of uses for a psychic. I think just about any organization could have a number of uses for a psychic. Zoe points out that they could also have been training her as an assassin. Simon sadly says that River just wants to be a kid. Mal says he wishes it were that simple. Jayne snarks, "If wishes were horses, we'd all be eating steak." See? Food. Jayne demands to know what they're going to do about her. Simon slowly says that he doesn't think River would hurt any of them. Jayne looks around, but doesn't bring up the knife again. Perhaps he's managed to do some math of his own and figured out why River might have attacked him. Mal says that he's not going to make a decision tonight, so that River can have the opportunity to prove herself by taking out the plot contrivance latched to the hull of the ship. He tells everybody to get some rest.
Everybody scatters to their bunks, and Kaylee chases Simon down a corridor. He tells her he has to go check in on his assassin. Kaylee begs Simon not to be mad at her. He says he's not. He explains that River has grown to love it on the ship; he thinks that it's become more of a home to her than anything else has. Kaylee asks how he feels about it. He says he thought the hospital was home. He was helping people and making large amounts of money. He says, "I would be there right now if she hadn't if they had just left her alone." Kaylee asks him if it's so bad here. Simon starts saying something about not knowing if Mal will even let them stay, but Kaylee interrupts him to ask, "Is there anything about this place your glad of? Like me? Me? Kaylee? Me? Do you like me? Do you? Do you? Like me? Are you glad of me? Me? MEEEEEEE!?" Simon looks at her uncomfortably, then uncomfortably leans in to brush some hair out of Kaylee's face for a possible kiss. Uncomfortably. Seriously, this is like the inverse of Kerr Smith's attempts at kissing boys on Dawson's Creek. Either Simon's gay or Sean Maher's gay, but one of the two (or possibly both) is dreading the prospect of kissing Kaylee. Fortunately, Book wanders by at just that moment to scare Simon away from the siren song of heterosexuality. Simon and Kaylee awkwardly wish each other goodnight and head off in opposite directions.