Saffron heads off to play Maureen Robinson in the kitchen, while Book confronts Mal in the hallway because I hadn't wanted to push anybody out an airlock just yet. Book explains that divorce back on Saffron's colony is relatively rare and only done with the permission of her pastor. Book offers to send a "wave" back to him. Mal appreciates it and tries to head down a corridor. But that's not enough. Book calls after Mal that if he takes "sexual advantage" of Saffron, he's going to "burn in a very special hell. A level they reserve for child molesters. And people who talk in the theater." Let me consult my notes here. Oh, yeah: "Shut up, Book." Seriously, has he ever read the Bible? Marriages like this didn't exactly invoke stern rebukes from The Man Upstairs. I'm wondering if they're projecting to us that Book is a big fake who doesn't know a damned thing about the Bible. His knowledge of criminal tactics and activities is another clue as well. If so, this is a good ship for him to pull this scam, because most of the crew here would gnaw off their own limbs to escape from a sermon from him, which prevents him from accidentally revealing his ignorance. But I'm probably reading too much into it. He's probably just annoying and poorly written. Mal is offended and thinks Book has a smutty mind. Book apologizes for misjudging Mal and offers to make up a room for Saffron. He leaves, but then turns back to remind Book, "The special hell." Is it the hell I'm in every time I have to listen to Book talk?
Cut to the dining area; Saffron sets down a plate of food for Mal. Zoe and Wash wander in as Mal starts eating. Mal sheepishly explains that Saffron insisted that she cook for him. Wash asks if there's any more. Saffron apologizes because she didn't think to cook for the whole crew. But she tells Zoe that the fixins are still laid out if she wants to "cook for [her] husband." Wash looks at Zoe. Zoe looks back at Wash, her face a placid sea, under which a school of fish have arranged themselves to spell out "Not in a million years." Wash uncomfortably laughs and calls Saffron "quaint." Wash and Zoe sit down at the table so they can mock Mal some more. Zoe asks him if he enjoys having his own "nubile slave girl." Mal repeats that Saffron insists on cooking. Wash compliments the food Saffron prepared, and Zoe shoots him another look. He repeats, "Quaint!" Zoe gives Wash one of those "no sex" threats that keep the menfolk in line. Mal whines that everybody on the ship assumes that he's an "evil, lecherous hump." Zoe says that nobody is saying anything like that about him. Wash clarifies that they're "just giving each other significant looks and laughing incessantly." Wash notes the cider Mal's drinking and offers to get some for the three of them. Saffron grabs Mal's glass away from Wash, explaining, "That's for me to do." Mal, sufficiently creeped out by Saffron's behavior, finds an excuse not to finish his meal, but compliments her thoroughly. He tries to leave to go do "captainy things." Saffron stops him to ask him if he wants her to wash his feet. Mal stares off into the distance for a moment, then walks away. After Mal's gone, Wash pulls his plate over and eats his leftovers.