But enough of Slam Night with the Bandits -- it's time to get down to business. Jayne asks Marco if he should shoot them now. Marco tells him to wait until they tell them where they put "the stuff." Apparently, the cargo is several cases of Hostess snack cakes. They must have a delivery on Planet Rosie. Jayne orders, "Tell us where the stuff's at, so I can shoot you." Surprisingly, this brilliant stratagem doesn't seem to fly with Mal and Zoe. Mal tells them that he's hidden "the stuff," and if Jayne shoots them, they won't be able to find it. Jayne points out that he found them easily enough. I guess Zoe did call Jayne ugly. Oh, Zoe. I suppose there's no accounting for taste. Wash isn't exactly the elephant man, though. Anyway, Mal's internal wheels start spinning as he realizes that Jayne, while so very stupid in some ways, is pretty clever in others. Mal asks Jayne how much he's getting paid. Jayne's cut of the loot is seven percent. Mal responds with mock disbelief. Jayne's all, "What?" Mal's all, "Nuthin'." Then Mal asks Zoe if that doesn't seem a little low. Zoe says it does. Jayne insists that seven percent is standard. Mal casually comments to Zoe that he's paying her too much. Jayne wants to know what Zoe's getting paid. Marco is slightly quicker on the uptake, and tells Mal to "knock it off." Mal assures Jayne that he's sure Marco treats him just fine, with his own room and everything. No? Jayne has to share a bunk with some other bandit? Oh, poor Jayne. Marco spits out, "Jayne, this ain't funny." Jayne responds, "Yeah, I ain't laughing." Mal offers Jayne a deal; if he switches over to his side, Mal will not only show him where "the stuff" is, he'll make sure Jayne gets a bigger piece of the (Hostess fruit) pie, and his own room with access to the kitchen. Marco keeps interrupting and trying to get Jayne to stop negotiating with Mal. Finally, Jayne points his gun downward and shoots Marco in the knee and tells him, "Shaddup." Then he asks Mal, "How big a room?" And that's how we got our very own loveable man-ape gone wrong.
We return to Mal and the crew of anti-anti-heroes. Mal's story checks out. There aren't any other people, and the catalyzer is indeed blown. Mal tells the bandits that everything they have that's of any value is in the cargo bay, and they're welcome to any of it. Captain Anti-Anti-Hero explains that they've already decided what he wants. And then he shoots Mal in the gut. Mal falls to the floor as the captain explains that he's taking the whole ship. He turns around to give the men (and woman -- diversity is strength, even among anti-anti-heroes) orders, which turns out to be his big mistake. Mal happened to fall to the floor right next to their little ATV transporter, and there happens to be a gun taped to the undercarriage. I don't know if Mal had planned for that in case the meeting went south, or if they always have a gun taped there. Either explanation is plausible. Mal pulls the gun out and draws it on the captain. He even manages to get back up on his feet. He orders them all to leave the catalyzer and get off the ship. They slowly begin to leave. Before leaving, the captain says, "You would have done the same." That's beginning to become a recurring quote on the show. It's Firefly's "From beneath you, it devours." And Mal's response is generally some variation of "nuh-uh." In this case, he says, "We can already see I haven't." The anti-anti-heroes leave, and for some reason don't sit around on their own ship waiting for Mal to die. Then Mal falls to the floor again, and we're back where the episode started.