Out Of Gas

Episode Report Card
Shack: B+ | 18 USERS: B+
Misty yellow-tinted memories

Blue-tinted, bleeding Mal continues making his way slowly down a corridor, leaning against the wall for support. An alarm has gone off, and a computer voice warns Mal that there's a life support failure. That sounds like the most unnecessary ship warning imaginable, second only to, "Warning: the ship has been blown into pieces." Like they wouldn't have noticed by now. The computer voice alternates between that message and something in Chinese ("The white zone is for loading and unloading only").

The camera pans down a corridor, and the lighting shifts from blue to yellow-green. Mal stalks down the corridor, shouting for somebody named Bester. He's the alleged "genius mechanic." Mal's upset at the news of another delay of some sort. He makes it to the engine room, and is startled and shocked to see that Bester's in there having sex. Mal mutters something in Chinese ("This better get us that 18-34 male demographic") and turns away. He has to call Bester's name out several times to get his attention. Bester finally hears him and stops his extracurricular activities. He pulls on a pair of pants and comes out to the corridor to find out what the problem is. Apparently, the problem is that Bester is an incompetent slacker. He's the Ty Pennington of the future. Mal exposits that they've been stuck where they are for a week now, and they've got work waiting for them elsewhere. He asks Ty XXXVIII if there's something wrong with his bunk, meaning, "Why are you screwing women in the engine room?" Ty XXXVIII explains that the girl he's boffing is turned on by engines. That's an interesting fetish. I can only imagine the erotica for that one. Actually, if I did a web search, I probably wouldn't have to imagine, but I don't want to know. We also see that Ty XXXVIII is very well built when it comes to the muscles. Ah, surfer dudes: pretty to look at, but about as useful as balloon animals. Mal orders Ty XXXVIII to get his "prairie harpy" off the ship and get them back into space. Ty XXXVIII insists that he can't because the "secondary grav boot" is shot.

Suddenly the "prairie harpy" blurts out that there's nothing wrong with the grav boot. The prairie harpy then finishes putting on her prairie floral gown and turns around so we can all see that she's actually Kaylee. That's certainly an unexpected development. Mal stares at her, and she waves hello. She's got pigtails. Yuck. Of course, it looks bad in part because she was just on the floor having sex. A confused Ty XXXVIII is dismissive of Kaylee. Kaylee insists that she saw what the actual problem was while the two of them were having sex. That certainly doesn't say much for Ty XXXVIII's prowess, does it? Kaylee insists that it's something called a "reg couple." Ty XXXVIII doesn't even know what a reg couple is. Kaylee bends down under the engine and does some fiddling around. In about ten seconds, she's got the engine running again. Ty XXXVIII doesn't even understand what she did. Mal asks Kaylee how she learned how about engines. Kaylee explains that her dad always said she had a natural talent. Hey, I think Kaylee's got a non-evil dad! It's a brave new world for Mutant Enemy. She exposits that she works down on the farm for Daddy when he's got work. But there hasn't been much work lately. Mal asks her if she's got much experience with these ships. Kaylee admits that she's never even been up in a ship before. Mal asks, "Wanna?" Kaylee realizes that she's been offered a job. She wants it, but she has to go ask her parents first. She rushes off. Ty XXXVIII asks what Mal needs two mechanics for. Mal says, "I really don't," as he walks out. And that's how Serenity traded the Ty of the future for the Amy Wynn of the future. And the ship is the better for it.

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