River sees Mal and says, "You're not him." Then she says something lengthy in Chinese. ("Reach thousands of listeners through advertisements on radio KRZY. For everything from tinfoil hats to perpetual motion machines, reach the most paranoid, yet also the most gullible, consumers in the galaxy.") Simon apologizes to Mal as he cleans up River's mess, explaining that it's a bad day. Mal says that a real bad day is when somebody spooks the cattle they've got holed up in the cargo bay. He explains that if they stampede, they've got nowhere to stampede to, and it turns into a sort of meat grinder. Simon says that River's been nowhere near the cattle. Mal points out that River's voice tends to carry. Yeah, we've all noticed -- all the way across the galaxy, back through time, and right into our tortured eardrums. They're about to land. Mal explains that as soon as they unload, River can scream and shriek as much as she likes, though he would appreciate it if she didn't. River responds calmly, "The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds, given adequate vacuuming systems." And you get that with the new E-Z-Bleeder! Is your obsessive-compulsive disorder interfering with your psychotic murderous rampages? Get the E-Z-Bleeder and say goodbye to bloody messes. And that incriminating evidence! Call KRZY now and place your order. A free box of surgical gloves to the next fifty orders.
I really have got to stop recapping late at night.
Mal says that he's okay with the "morbid and creepifyin'" stuff, but the screaming has got to stop. Simon bitterly reminds Mal that River's crazy because of the experiments by people who turned her brain into a "rutting playground." Simon cursed! Well, almost. Stupid fake profanities. Simon continues that he has no idea what might set her off, so if Mal has any ideas, he'd be glad to hear them. Mal responds that he's not the doctor around here, nor is he Simon's baby-sitter. He tells Simon to gag River if he has to.