Serenity: The Big Damn Movie

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | 16 USERS: B
Next Step: Straight To Video

Jayne and Mal enter the building with guns drawn and everybody drops. "You all wanna be looking very intently at your own belly buttons. I see a head start to rise, violence is going to ensue." Zoe opens the door to River, who walks in all creepy like usual. Mal explains to them that resistance is futile because what they're stealing doesn't belong to the settlers themselves, but the Alliance. In other words, not the people but the people that exploit them. River's dancer feet find their way slowly into the middle of the room, and as she listens, the camera goes wonky and drifts down across the people on the floor, finally resting on one young guy. She points to him without looking, very cool and spooky, and Zoe steps forward. She gets a look at the guy, looks at River with a questioning eye, and gets a full on Fucking yes, dude! What's your problem? in return. River gives the best withering looks this side of Martha Stewart. Zoe kneels beside the kid, and gets his gun away. "Do you know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets other people killed." She tosses the gun aside and adds a completely unnecessary, "You can look it up later." She notifies Mal that the de-gunning of the people is complete, and Mal makes a tossed-off "big happy family?" before they get the guy to open the safe.

It's pretty empty, a few stacks of bills and random coins. "At last," snarks Zoe. "We can retire and give up this life of crime." Mal, his mouth a thin line, reaches up into the top of the safe that we didn't notice before. Jayne squeals as a panel in the floor opens up below his feet. "Hey!" exclaims the safe-opening dude. "You all are Browncoats, eh? Fought for independence? Petty thieving ain't exactly soldiers' work." Mal nods. "War's long done. We're all just folk now." Also known as the opposite of what Mal actually believes, which is why he named his ship Serenity, which was the valley where the final battle of his war took place, and he lost all track of what his life was about and abandoned belief altogether. "Listen up! We are coming down to empty that vault!" The guard kid downstairs, who is awesomely nonchalant about this whole thing, and has a pretty wry sense of humor his own self, calls back up: "You have to give me your authorization password!" Mal fires his gun, and the kid allows as how he's cleared for entry.

Upstairs, River gets scared. Outside, one heathen child notices the sound of Mal's gun, and his godless mother agrees that they might want to "run tell Lawman." Flash to a Reaver, killing somebody, and River screams and drops. Jayne -- although he'd be ashamed to admit it -- rushes to her side. "What the hell is up? You all right? What's going on?" She wriggles in panic, then whispers: "Reavers." Outside, several Reaver ships pull into position overhead, Reavers sliding down zip lines, twenty a ship, the townspeople shrieking and getting their asses killed but good.

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