The Message

Episode Report Card
Shack: F | 9 USERS: B-
With friends like these...

Cut to the medical bay, where Tracey has been undressed and placed on the surgical table. I can only imagine what Kaylee said about that. Mal, Zoe, and Jayne are there. Jayne is playing with the flap of his hat. Mal explains that smuggling things inside a dead body is a "time-honored, repulsive custom." Yes, how do you think I got these unaired episodes? Jayne idiotically wonders if there's gold inside Tracey's body. Zoe is offended at Jayne, but Jayne, of course, doesn't get it. Simon looks over Tracey's chest and says he's been opened before. There's a scar, though it's hard to see. Mal tells Simon to cut him open to see what they've put inside. Simon starts a small incision just below Tracey's neck. And that, of course, is Tracey's cue to suddenly come back to life and start screaming.

Uh, why would anybody go to Taco Bell to get a Caesar salad?

When we return, Tracey leaps off the table and starts wrestling with Simon. My mind cycles through about 500 gay jokes. Simon looks frightened and confused -- usually they're all naked and Zoe's not there. And the screaming generally has a different edge to it. Anyway, Mal pulls Tracey off Simon, wrestles him to the ground, and straddles him. Tracey, not Simon. At the moment. Hee. Sorry. Mal eventually calms Tracey down enough to realize that Simon was cutting him open because they all thought he was dead. Tracey realizes where he is, and then realizes that he's naked.

A little bit later, Simon's got Tracey back on the table and is giving him a physical. Tracey apologizes for trying to jump Simon. Simon says the problem was Tracey didn't call "shotgun" first. Hee. Sorry. He totally didn't say that. Simon asks what drug Tracey took to simulate death. Tracey doesn't know. He knows he was supposed to be out for a week. He blathers on about dreaming about his family, then throws up. Mal wants to know what the hell Tracey's gotten involved in and who he was running from. Tracey insists he was heading home, but the people he had gotten involved with had a problem with Tracey leaving with their property. Mal demands the details, but Simon interrupts them because his tests show that Tracey appears to be in cardiac arrest. Tracey laughs at this news and tells Simon not to trust the machines. Apparently all of Tracey's organs are running on overdrive, and this is normal for him. Please don't tell me we're looking at a possible return of The Initiative. They were supposed to destroy the facility and salt the earth. Salt the earth! Anyway, it seems that all these super-organs are what Officer Evil! is after. Mal demands to know the details. Just then Kaylee wanders into the medical bay, because even though she was being all judgy about how they treated Tracey's body, that doesn't mean she can't watch. Anyway, she's surprised to see Tracey alive. Tracey looks at Kaylee. Kaylee looks at Tracey. It's The Look. Tracey says he'll fill them all in on the details as he continues giving Kaylee The Look.

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