Firefly
Trash

Episode Report Card
Shack: C+ | 7 USERS: D+
YOU GRADE IT
Even Nathan's naked ass couldn't save them.

Credits. Yeah, while you guys were all guarding the sky, they went and pulled the rug out from under you.

No commercials. I feel cheated somehow. We return to the standoff. Monty is confused. He wants to know why Mal's got a gun pointed at Bridget/Saffron. Saffret. There we go. Mal insists that Saffret isn't Monty's wife. Saffret suddenly kicks the gun out of Mal's hand. Mal grabs Saffret's arm and disarms her. Then there's all the punching and kicking and throwing and wrestling. Eventually Saffret and Mal end up rolling around on the ground, trying to choke each other. Monty grows tired of the fighting and finally yanks the two of them up and apart. He demands to know what's going on. Mal tells the whole tale about how Saffron had tricked Mal into thinking she had married him and then tried to steal Serenity. Monty's all, "Saffron whoooooo? Married whaaaaa?" Damn you, Djb! Everybody at TWoP Towers is going to be mimicking him mimicking Mrs. Garrett for the rest of our lives. After Mal's done with his exposition, Saffret declares, "You're a liar, Malcolm Reynolds." Monty then points out that he hadn't yet told her Mal's name. Oops. Plus, she was the one who pulled the gun first. I mean, duh. Anyway, that jig Saffret's got is up.

Cut to Monty's ship taking off. Saffron has been left on the ground with Mal. Monty hurls invectives at her through the ship's speakers before taking off. Saffron spits back something in Chinese ("Go father some lesbian couple's children!"), then starts going through a sack of her belongs that Monty tossed off the ship. Mal pulls a gun on her and orders her to take her hand out of the bag. She says she's not going for a weapon as she pulls out a tube of lipstick. Mal grabs her lipstick and tosses it away, pointing out that she used the cosmetics to knock him out once before. Mal searches her for weapons; annoying double entendres ensue. Saffron tries to worm her way back into Mal's heart. Unfortunately for her, Mal's had all his shots and he's not interested. He orders her to walk away in some random direction. She points out that she'll die if Mal abandons her on this "lifeless moon." Mal doesn't care. She asks him why he simply doesn't shoot her. He points the question back at her as he nurses a nosebleed, noting that she had the drop on him at the beginning of the fight. Saffron asks if Monty and Mal fought together during the war. They did. I have this suspicion that, had this show continued, there would be a constant parade of guest stars who fought with Mal and Zoe during the war. It probably would have ended up like on The Practice, where every client was a close friend of one of the partners. Anyhow, she says that she recognized their connection and realized that if she had shot Mal, she would have lost Monty anyway. Of course, she could have never drawn the gun in the first place and been all demure and made Mal look like an idiot. She begs Mal to take her off the moon with him. Mal refuses. She says she won't cause trouble, and offers to be holed up in one of the crates. Mal shoots the ground near her feet, indicating his desire that she shove off. She sticks out her tongue at him. He shoots again. She starts to grab her bag and leave, then offhandedly mentions that she had "the perfect crime" lined up. Mal isn't interested. She goes into detail about how it would be a "big-time" score that "practically robs itself." Oh, gigs like that? They never work out. Ever. When somebody tells you it's the perfect crime, that's your cue to run away and never look back. Mal insists that she go away. She continues to walk toward him, asking, "I'm handing you a fortune on a gold platter, sweetheart. Don't you want to hear the details?" Mal responds by pointing his gun right in her face.

Cut to Serenity landing at the rendezvous point. Mal climbs onto the loading dock to be greeted by Jayne and Kaylee, who are surprised by Mal's beat-up mug. Jayne asks him if he got into a fight with Monty. Kaylee's all, "But we like Monty, don't we?" Zoe and Book happen to be nearby as well. Zoe points out that they do like Monty, and if Mal had gotten into a fight with Monty, they'd be searching the dirt for Mal's teeth. Mal tells them all he doesn't want to talk about it as he heads up the stairs to the catwalk. Wash comes down the stairs to tell him that Inara was looking for him, and overreacts to Mal's injury. It's a bloody nose. It's not like he had his ear cut off or anything.

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Firefly

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