Episode Report Card
Shack: C+ | 15 USERS: B
Even Nathan's naked ass couldn't save them.

Time for another A-Team/Alias mission briefing. Bellerophon is actually a collection of high-tech islands floating over an ocean. We get a lovely CGI shot of the area that looks very cool. It would also make a great desktop background. I'm just saying. Wash explains to everybody that there's a ton of security and access cards and codes, et cetera. Saffron pipes in that they already have that access information. Why is Wash doing this briefing? He's the pilot. Is he that desperate for lines? Anyway, he explains that Mal and Saffron will approach Durran's estate in the ship's shuttle. We get another lovely CGI shot to illustrate what's going on. So it turns out that Durran is holding a big party, because -- of course. Just because Durran was described as extremely paranoid and evil not ten minutes ago doesn't mean he doesn't know how to throw a good hootenanny and have hundreds of strangers cavorting all over his estate full of very ill-gotten gains. We see shots of folks on the grounds of the estate putting up the decorations. We see Mal and Saffron wander among them with their "cover" -- two handfuls of long-stemmed flowers. Mal and Saffron make their way to the back door. Saffron uses the security info she's gathered to get them in.

Kaylee takes over the briefing to explain that the Lassiter is in the back of the house and they'll have to disable some security stuff to get there. She repeats the part about them not taking the gun out any doors, because it's "tagged" for the scanners. Again, nobody mentions anything about removing the tags. They figured out everything they need to know to disable the security system…except for the tags. But if they did that, we wouldn't find out the meaning of the episode title -- which, believe it or not, doesn't directly refer to Saffron. Kaylee's brilliant idea to get the gun out of the house is to toss it in the trash. Kaylee explains that the trash chutes in all the estates lead to a garbage bin located on the underside of the islands. A robotic drone comes by and periodically takes the dumpsters hanging from the bins away somewhere to destroy the contents. There's another nifty CGI shot to show how the drones work. They really used quite a bit of the special effects budget this episode, but without overdoing it. Saffron thinks Kaylee's plan is "Brilliant. Except it's stupid." She points out that it takes a mere thirty seconds for the drones to drag the bins away. Kaylee, though, thinks that she can reprogram the garbage bin and have the drone take the dumpster somewhere else, rather than the disposal center. Like somewhere out in the desert, so that they can pick up the gun later. While Mal and Saffron are getting the gun, the rest of the crew will deal with reprogramming the garbage bin.

Cut to a shot of Serenity floating up underneath the garbage bin and hovering. Jayne and Kaylee clamber out onto the roof of the ship. Wash holds the ship steady, which apparently takes a lot of effort. Doesn't this ship have some sort of auto-hover button or something? Kaylee and Jayne make their way further up to the top of Serenity and attach some anchoring wires to the ship in case they fall. Jayne then orders Wash to take them up closer to the bin. Wash complies, and gets them into position. His proximity alert on the ship goes off. He's like an inch away. That is the worst proximity alert ever. No wonder ships keep getting the drop on them. And no wonder other people treat Firefly-class ships with disdain. If you think about it, Serenity really does kind of suck. But I do find it amusingly realistic that they're attached to it anyway.

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