Episode Report Card
Shack: C+ | 10 USERS: C+
Even Nathan's naked ass couldn't save them.

When we return from the non-commercial break, Saffron and Durran are still hugging. Behind Durran, Mal mimes hitting Durran over the head, presumably so they can escape with the gun. Saffron shakes her head no. Durran continues to hug.

Back on the ship, Book earns his paycheck by helping drag Jayne back into the ship. He declares that Jayne weighs a ton. Zoe helps as well. Simon arrives, and Zoe tells him he's got a patient to see to. "Yes," Simon says darkly. "I'll take care of him." Dun dun dunnnnnnn!

Back in the house, Durran is still marveling over Saffron's return. He seems to think that Mal has brought her back for him. Mal plays along. Durran declares that Saffron is "the only thing [he] truly treasure[s]." He also seems to think that her name is Yolanda. Durran offers a reward. Mal declines, but Saffronda improvises that she promised Mal money. Durran insists on paying, and blathers away for a bit, perhaps indicating that Saffronda's story about him being an evil mass murderer is a big lie. They blather some more. Durran wondered what happened when Saffronda disappeared. She makes up some nonsense about being kidnapped and sold into slavery. Mal interrupts periodically to indicate that he was involved with neither the kidnapping nor the slave trading. Durran doesn't care. His world has been redecorated by Laurie Hickson-Smith, and it's all Saffron as far as he can see. Except that he seems to recall that Saffronda disappeared the same day as Heinrich, the estates security programmer, and they were both young and he saw them talking…but then they found his body. Oh, Saffron. You and your wacky cons. She's such a scamp! Durran says they never stopped looking for her. Saffronda fake cries and says that thought is what kept her alive. Mal rolls his eyes. Saffronda kisses Durran. Mal indicates that it's time for him to go. Durran insists on getting his reward first.

After Durran leaves, Saffron's all business again, of course. Mal points out as he continues working on the Lassiter's security system that Durran doesn't seem to be in the running as the future's equivalent of the First Evil. They argue about whether or not Durran swallows kittens whole. Then Mal begins speculating as to why Saffron didn't take Durran down when she had the opportunity. He theorizes that perhaps she actually likes Durran and wants him to think well of her. He thinks that perhaps Saffron sees Durran as her "real" husband. As he says this, he releases the Lassiter from its security devices, turns around, and sees that Saffron has a gun pointed at him. Sigh. He must have known she'd do this, right? His facial expression suggests otherwise. She says, "Congratulations. Anything else you want on your tombstone, you piece of crap?" Pepperoni and mushrooms? Sorry. That was too easy to resist.

But then Durran walks into all of this and looks confused. Mal heads over to Durran's side, putting him in the line of fire, and spills the beans. Saffronda just stands there holding the gun, trying to convince Durran that things aren't what they seem, as Mal backs down the corridor behind Durran and drops the gun into the trash chute. I haven't the slightest clue why neither Durran nor Saffronda tried to stop him. Durran just looks at Saffronda sadly. She angrily declares, "Don't look at me like that!"

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