First Years
The First Thing You Do…

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Pride and Prejudice

Ex looks at O'Donnell and suggests dropping the case. "No!" PlasticMan shrieks, sticking his thick neck further out of his mock turtleneck. "Honey, he hurt you," O'Donnell says. "Yeah, and he should pay for that," PlasticMan says. "Yeah, him, not me," O'Donnell clarifies. "Don't let him get away with this, Mrs. O'Donnell, because if you do, you're saying it's okay and it's not," PlasticMan says, jumping up and getting all impassioned. He gets more impassioned about men and women throwing things away like trash when they don't work anymore, blah blah blah relating this all to his own love lifecakes. Anna looks very moved by this speech. I feel movement too. I think it's the movement of my dinner up my throat.

Back to the Life of Riley. The judge (ooh, look! It's Mac from Night Court -- glad to see he moved up the ranks from court clerk to judge) tells the assemblage that he realizes how hard it is for both parties, but reminds them that although it's not a trial, they all have to conform to proper procedure. Riley's client cranes around to look at her baby, so she must've been pretty shocked when she saw the couple holding a really fake-looking doll! Why didn't they just cover the baby's face rather than using a garden gnome? The judge goes on to say that the case is highly irregular since the ninety-day period was up, but he assumes there are extenuating circumstances. Riley just sits there. "Counselor, that's your cue," he prods gently. Riley jumps into action and argues that her client's consent was given under misrepresentations because she wasn't told the couple was white. "By counsel?" the judge asks. "After all the years he's been doing this? I tell you, Counselor, I find that very difficult to believe. By the way, how's your dad feeling?" the judge asks. Gaynor thanks him and tells him he's much better. The judge tells him to tell his father when his knee heals, he's got a new set of woods to try out. Riley looks from one to the other in disbelief.

At a restaurant, a waitress smiles flirtatiously at the group of guys, and they all agree that she smiled at Shaggy, who's wearing a putrid yellow sweater over some nasty brown plaid shirt. PlasticMan huffs that he's the one she should be looking at, since he deems Shaggy to be scruffy. "Some women find that attractive," Shaggy preens. Not when they find out you have trouble hitting the bowl. Andy Moffat offers another reminder from the writers that he is indeed gay by saying that a lot of men find that attractive: "Not me, though, I prefer a clean-shaven look. No facial hair, no back hair either." "You don't have to share that," Shaggy tells him and turns back to his bone with PlasticMan: "I'm not scruffy. Why am I friends with you?" PlasticMan, with a mouth full of Steak Exposition, says, "Well, you're friends with me because I defended you in Little League when the kids said, 'Fat's at bat! Fat's at bat!'" PlasticMan chuckles with Andy Moffat over this bon mot. "That was me defending you," Shaggy corrects him. "Or maybe it was because I stopped the stoners in shop class from kicking your ass 'cause you were the fat, rich geek," PlasticMan continues. "Again, that was you," Shaggy says. "So, what was your problem? You had a thing for fat kids in high school, was that what it was?" PlasticMan asks without missing a beat. Little League in high school? "I cannot believe you were once fat, Miles," Andy Moffat says. "What about all the things I did for this guy? I took on the stoners!" Shaggy whines. Andy Moffat says he can't believe Shaggy was once in shop. PlasticMan starts to choke, and we all know what is coming because we all saw it on the promos whenever we tried to watch anything on NBC. PlasticMan ends up on the floor with a man standing over him saying, "I'm a doctor," and PlasticMan rolls over, grins and says, "And you've just been served, Dr. Heineman." Several things. First off, you don't have to serve a summons, subpoena, or complaint in person anymore -- just if you want to waste time and be dramatic. Secondly, if they are in a place where the good doctor lunches, isn't the probability sort of high-ish that he won't be THE ONLY doctor in that whole restaurant?

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First Years




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