First Years
There's No Place Like Homo

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Another One Bites The Dust

PlasticMan and Senior Kiss-Asso are discussing their motorcycle case, and PlasticMan is using a Fisher-Price bus and a model motorcycle to explain his case breakthrough. I don't get it. All I get is that PlasticMan is excited about something that is good for the case. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that Anna is standing outside the office looking through the glass and pouting. PlasticMan gets distracted and runs out to talk to her. "Anna, give me ten minutes, and I'll buy you dinner," he says. Anna tells him she's got a meeting with Mrs. Pilnick. PlasticMan says he's sorry she's gotta break the bad news to the old dear. "Bad news?" Anna says. "Yeah, you're not going to do that thing you said?" PlasticMan assumes. Anna says of course she can't do that, but she researched similar cases and thinks she found a settlement her client can deal with. PlasticMan starts to stroke her arm and tell her how great that is when the elevator arrives. "Well, justice awaits," Anna says, backing into the elevator and away from PlasticMan. Joe, who has been listening to their conversation, also innocently gets into the elevator with Anna. PlasticMan bids them adieu. Anna fidgets, "Okay, so I totally lied, you got something to say?" she squacks. Joe calmly steps out of the elevator. "Yeah, I'll grab the next one," he says.

Anna breaks the news to Mrs. Pilnick, who assures her she'll be fine and that Anna did a wonderful job. Anna tells her she doesn't have to come to the final settlement meeting the next day. Mrs. Pilnick says she couldn't stand any more berating. Not convinced that her client is really going to be all right, Anna leaves, but she happens to be nosy, so she happens to look in the window and sees Mrs. Pilnick sobbing in her kitchen. Anna squares her shoulders and hardens her face. Dude is going down.

O'Donnell holds another meeting where Joe dresses him in front of everyone. O'Donnell gives his opinion of Warren's closing: "On the right track, but your characterization of our client gets a Tennessee Williams. Not up to your usual standards." Warren says he'll try to tone it down. O'Donnell tells Riley and Shaggy that their "Hollywood exhibitionist" has accepted their settlement. "Dot the 'i's, cross the 't's, good work," O'Donnell says. Shaggy and Riley slap hands, but I'm fairly certain they'll be celebrating with some exhibitions to one another sometime soon. O'Donnell asks for progress on the motorcycle case. Senior Asso tells all and sundry in complicated Latin that PlasticMan is a veritable genius. "Plain English," O'Donnell tells everyone, "Miles just proved they're big, fat liars and our take was nearly one quarter of a million dollars and change. Messieurs Hoberman, Spain and McPherson will hear of this. Excellent work." All congratulate PlasticMan. And then the moment of truth: "Where are we on Pilnick v. McDougal, Anna?" Anna tells him she has one more settlement meeting and then it's all over. O'Donnell gives her a piercing look. "On the upside, the firm makes the same whether we win or lose," Anna says. O'Donnell continues to give her a piercing look until she looks away all shifty-like. He adjourns the meeting. PlasticMan and Shaggy bask in their glory. In O'Donnell's office, Joe delivers a message to the boss man: "She just called, she wants her Enigma CDs back. She says if you so much as ever think about her again, she's going to get a restraining order against you. Then she called you an under-endowed piss-ant." O'Donnell shakes his head. "I'm sorry, sir," Joe says, "I probably could have omitted that last quote, huh?" O'Donnell chuckles, "Naw. You don't think anyone knows she dumped me, do you?" he asks. "No," Joe says, "I think the tuxedo probably fooled everybody, sir." O'Donnell thanks Joe: "Your empathy is almost convincing -- you're an extremely gifted young man, and I thank you." Joe leaves. O'Donnell looks sad.

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First Years

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