First Years
There's No Place Like Homo

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C | Grade It Now!
Another One Bites The Dust

At the banquet, Warren stares at the two empty seats next to him while the MC goes through her opening remarks. The roommates try to offer Warren reasons why his parents aren't there -- stuck in traffic, lost, et cetera. Anna looks like she's going to vomit as the MC quotes Harper Lee and mentions Atticus Finch and talks about all the great reasons why great people are great lawyers and how great it all is for everyone. Warren looks around tearfully. "Maybe they can't find parking," Shaggy says. "Maybe it's valet," Warren says, just as he's introduced with the MC's privilege and honor, "Mr. Warren Harrison, Esquire." Warren just sits there as everyone applauds. "That's you," PlasticMan says. Warren jumps up and struggles to compose himself for his speech. At one point, he holds up a hand to block the stage lights and peers through them, thinking he sees his parents, but he doesn't. "First of all, I'd like to thank my family," he says. And it's all over. For good. Forever.

The show choked, much like my beloved UM hockey team did. I shed a tear. For Michigan, not for this freakin' claptrap. Good riddance!

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First Years




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