Flames And Endurance

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | Grade It Now!
Sandra Can Get Loud, Too

Previously on Panama Bratty: So all these people jumped off this really big boat, right? And they bought some food, and they set up camp, and then the hating began in earnest. Drake ruled; Morgan drooled. Bye, Nicole! Try to hold your dress up! Bye, Skinny Ryan! Bye, Lill! Uh, for now! Bye, Burton! Uh, also for now! Bye, Michelle! Bye, Trish! Um, hi again, Lill! Hi again, Burton! Bye, Shawn! Bye, Osten! Hey, sorry about the bleeding lungs! Okay, now everybody...merge! Bye, Andrew! Bye, Ryan-O! Bye, Rupert! Bye, Tijuana! Bye, Christa! Bye again, Burton, the only man in history to get voted off the show twice! Not that we would gloat! At all! Really! And so, here we are. Lill, Darrah, Sandra, and Jon. Not exactly the most predictable final four of all time, one might say.

Credits. It's a shame there aren't as many desiccated skulls on the show as there are in the credits. They could start with Jon's.

Okay, look, there are going to be no recaps of the commercials in this episode, because there are four hundred thousand commercial breaks in this festival of filler, and there are only so many times I can point out that the spirit of Christmas is clearly and officially dead, buried under the carcasses of a thousand department-store Santas. Ho ho ho!

We fly in over the fog-dusted treetops to Camp Balboa, where a bird is enjoying the peaceful moments of morning before the obnoxious camera hounds awaken. Elsewhere, a lizard does his morning yoga and eats a leaf. "I hope these dumb-asses are getting ready to get out of my jungle," he is thinking. It is Day 37, and Jon is just beginning to stir in the shelter, his buff still tied around his head, kerchief-style. Boy, he is as sexy as ever, y'all. Lill rubs her face despondently, because various gestures demonstrating despondency take up pretty much all of Lill's time these days. We observe an overlong, time-swallowing, endless shot of the sunrise, just kind of sitting there. Then, there is a shot of the beach. Then, there is another overlong, time-swallowing, pretty much endless shot of an approaching boat puttering toward shore. Finally, something actually occurs, in the form of Jeff Probst walking up the beach to deliver breakfast to the hungry group. The sight of orange juice, like most other things these days, makes Lill snorfle with emotion. She comes over and gives Jeff a hug. He opens a bottle of champagne so that they can make mimosas. They all drink up. As Jeff tells them that he has one more thing to give them, and wanders back toward the boat, Jon mutters, "You rule," and Lill adds, "I love that man." Oh, you and me both, crazy lady. "I wonder if he'd like to join a troop," she muses. Um, okay. That isn't where I was going next at all. Not that I wouldn't enjoy watching Jeff make roasted marshmallows. When Jeff returns from the boat, he brings the thing the remaining contestants want most, other than a shower: letters from home. Yay, letters from home!

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