FlashForward

Episode Report Card
LuluBates: B | 1209 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
A Boozer on a Train Headed to Los Angeles
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

In case you have stumbled on this show accidentally or if the bleak 8 pm offerings have you haplessly channel surfing, let's have the opening credits remind you of the plot of this show. On October 6, the planet blacked out for two minutes and seventeen seconds. The whole world saw the future. You know, these title cards would really draw in the appropriate demographic if they just slanted them backwards a bit, had them trail off the screen as they scrolled, and had John Williams's music soaring over them. You know what I am talking about. Or you should or you probably meant to be watching "Historical Reenactments of the Great British Sea Battles From 1560-1720." If so, you are on the wrong channel, because that is on the CW. Right before Melrose Place. In case you blacked out between last week and now, or are just rising from your fifteen-hour World of Warcraft marathon, let's recap what happened last week. Everybody went to Congress to try and get funding and all they got was a lousy hit squad trying to take out the whole team. The only FBI agent who actually took a bullet was the lady FBI agent who was wearing heels and deserved it. Then Mark, the lead investigator, overacted in a karaoke bar and yelled at his boss about how in the future he is, like, drunk all the time, which would be awesome (and something to which I frequently aspire), but this time it is NOT AWESOME because the FBI is basing their entire investigation on his DTs. Man, Congress is a hoot! Then someone sends an anonymous text message to Mark's wife because they want her to know that he might be considering getting drunk and she has no sense of humor at all when it comes that shit, so she is T.T.O.'d (totally ticked offed). Also, when the lady FBI agent got shot her hot girlfriend gave her the same alarm clock that I have and now it lives in a drawer while I try to sell it, because watching it run in circles in her blood made me realize that it probably enjoyed it AND WILL KILL AGAIN. Please see my Craig's List ad for purchasing details.

And now onto today's program. OH SHIT. Am I watching Lost? Because this show is simply lousy with Lost cast-offs, like you weren't good enough for the freaking Island but you're good enough for Flash Forward, because I mean Joseph Fiennes is the lead and he was in that one Academy Award-winning film and stood near Gwyneth while she bought, I mean, won, her Oscar and that shit rubs off you know? Like don't wash the toilet seat after Joseph Fiennes uses it, because you will totally catch OSCAR FEVER.

FlashForward