Episode Report Card
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Take Your Vitamins

A crying baby wakes its tired father up at 6:20 in the morning. That's it -- I'm never having kids. He gets dressed and heads for the bathroom, where he almost barfs in the sick while washing his face. But when his wife, holding the baby, come in and ask him if he's feeling okay, he says that he's just fighting off a stomach bug, and also tries to trick us during this Pre-Credits Sequence of Doom. The rules dictate that someone who is obviously sick in the beginning of the PCSoD will not be the Patient of the Week. Mom, named Kara, runs some bathwater, and complains that baby Michael and his colic kept her up all night. Kara asks her husband, Brent, to take the day off from work to spend some time with his wife and son, but he says that he can't afford to miss work. He kisses his wife and son, and heads off to work.

But on his way down the stairs, Brent gets dizzy, stumbles, and then barfs. Pleasant. He returns to the apartment, where he finds Kara having some kind of seizure in the tub -- soap bubbles placed strategically over her private areas -- and, worse, that their son has turned into a doll and has sunk to the bottom of the bathtub. Brent grabs Michael out of the tub and tries to juggle his, his wife, and his son's health issues at the same time. When the episode starts with a drowned-looking baby, it can only get happier.

After the credits, Chase rushes to meet the paramedics. They come in with Michael, who has turned back into baby form and is crying, which is a great sign for his future as a living being. Kara, however, is disoriented. Brent reassures her that everything will be fine, and Chase asks him whether Kara has ever had a seizure like this before. He says no.

Meanwhile, House and Wilson are coming into work. House already has his evening planned out -- a marathon of The L Word, played without volume. If that's the only reason why he's watching the show, then I can't imagine he'd need more than three minutes, let alone an entire evening. Wilson has to pass on this because he already has plans for the night -- dinner with Cuddy. House doesn't know who to be jealous of. He thinks that Wilson is trying to suck up to Cuddy for some cancer funding, but Wilson says that Cuddy was actually the one who asked him out. "She run out of batteries?" House wonders. If he watched The L Word with the sound on, I'm sure he'd know that women always keep back-up batteries. I mean, I guess he'd learn that. I've never actually watched an episode of The L Word, despite the raves it gets from most of the girls on my soccer team, because I can't afford fancy-schmancy channels like Showtime. Anyway, House doesn't see Cuddy and Wilson as being compatible, and decides that Cuddy has a reason for asking Wilson out that has nothing to do with sex. "I'll poll my peeps!" House promises, as he heads into the meeting room.

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