Fran Tarkenton

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Maternity Tests
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

A: "Judah used to like to dress me up. Loan me out. We would lock eyes while I was being used by... Whoever. His best friend, my son's third grade teacher, the manager at Panda Express... I've never told anyone that we swung. Swang? That we were swingers. You know what, our safeword was Fran Tarkenton."

Vaughn the Reporter gets pissed about these obvious lies and shuts down the recorder. Came to it, she couldn't do it. But she's got plenty of secrets we haven't heard yet.

Q: Why would you not want to know?

Nancy admits to burning her house down, which actually does surprise him. She can't hide the Lacey smile when she says it. It was the first time she was happy since he died. Those little boxes. At first Vaughn thinks she means she burnt Agrestic down, but no: Just the scene of the crimes. Her house, her crimes. Nancy looks away and stands up to take her jacket off, and tells him to start over. Maybe they can be more honest when he asks questions. But the next question, she'll never answer.

Q: "Who killed Pilar Zuazo?"

A: That's a tunnel he's not allowed to enter. She smiles and closes that door. She's always hated the sun.

Doug lets himself into his old house, his little box, and the only thing that's changed is apparently the giant black man that lives there now, and tackles him to the ground. Like Doug's not gonna go racist in six seconds. Dana finds the men tussling on the floor -- she looks like you always thought she would -- and her new husband goes to make coffee.

Doug assumes the husband is the butler, of course, despite his dad sweater, and asks after the kids. Jessie's in bed, the girls are at camp, and Josh lives in Chicago now. Always did like that kid. I sincerely wish him all good things. Doug won't tell Dana why he's really there, so he says he wants to make amends -- "God touched me spiritually, not..." -- Jessie runs in yelling for her daddy, straight past Doug and into the butler's arms. Her new husband's name is Wilfred and he looks about fifty. They seem happy. He seems very nice.

Andy puts a bag over Hooman's head and fires a gun into it, just like back in the day when Strange Botwin used to play Mock Hostages. It's a convincing illusion -- at least Daoud is impressed -- and Andy promises they buried him somewhere spooky and shallow. Daoud says that sex and death are the two motivating forces of men's lives, as well as racism, which is all very deep and annoying. Andy asks for their passports and he is told instead to bring him Hooman's dick. So this'll be a Stee epis...

A: Yep, there it is! Stephen Falk. I'm getting good at this game.

Andy and Hooman -- wearing Ed Hardy and one star-bright shining earring -- head over to Ike Barinholtz's funeral parlor for the organ. He points them over to the John Does and goes back to his noodles.

Vaughn's curious about Cesar's getting shot with a crossbow, and Nancy's fake confused ten-yard stare is even more impressive than when Cesar almost got that quarter in the Skeeball machine to bean her with. That was like the most awesome thing that's ever happened on this show that didn't arise from Nancy going purposefully nuts. She won't tell him why the cartel's after her, either, and then she gets a text. Smiling, lying, she says it's from her son: He's found a girl, because he always finds a girl.

Q: "Shane?"

A funny place to go with the options, and she tells him to take Shane's name out his mouth.

Q: Why did she leave Esteban?

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