The boys go to Home Depot to pick up some supplies for the fraternity. Tim is wondering why Brad needs an industrial-sized tub of Vaseline, which proves that Tim's got the mental capacity of a fetus. Tim's telling Earl in the parking lot that some pledges don't get into the fraternity because the brothers simply don't like them, but if someone is going to the trouble of not even trying to be a good pledge, then Tim is through sticking up for them. Earl responds by testing the SUV's shocks, pushing up and down on the hood of the car. The only way to get Earl to stop doing this is to divert his attention toward a shiny object. Tim frantically scans the parking lot for something shiny, to no avail, so Earl continues pressing down on the car. Steve comes out of the store and wants to drive the SUV. Earl says he drives like a maniac, and that ain't happening. They get into an argument, which finds Steve talking rationally but with increasing venom, while Earl's voice reaches a pitch that only dogs can hear. Highlights include Earl telling Steve to walk home, Steve threatening to pull Earl out of the driver's seat and beat the living shit out of him in the parking lot, and the muffled squeals of Brad under a blanket in the back seat, hissing, "Catfight! Catfight!"
Back from commercials, Steve has apparently lost the battle to drive and is hopping into Tim's SUV with him. Steve says he needs to go to class, and Tim says they need to go to the frat house. Steve says that Tim is not going to keep Steve from attending class, and Tim wonders where Steve's priorities are if he'd rather go to class and get a degree than go to the frat house and get paddled by a sexually charged Brad. Steve and Tim fight over this in the car. Tim is apparently sick of Steve's shit and is finally laying it all on the line. He says that, right now, Steve's not getting into the fraternity. Steve insists that it won't be a problem for him to get into the fraternity. Tim says that Steve has a comeback for everything, and that he thinks he's always right. Except for that time Steve said Tim should ask out Nicole because she seemed like a nice girl with no visible sociological hangups.
At 3:15 AM, Earl and Tim are still awake in their room. Tim's bored and wants to do something. We hear Brad's muffled squeals and joyful clapping in the bushes outside the window. Tim suggests that they empty a keg out and roll it down the street. At 3:15 in the morning. Try that shit on Uncle Bob's street, Timmy, and you'd find several popped caps burrowed deep in your ass. That shit doesn't fly at 3:15 AM in my neighborhood, Ace. Earl suggests that they toss the keg out the window instead, to see if it will explode. Earl says in a POV that because they're both night owls, Tim and Earl have decided to cause a little destruction to get out some of their stress and anger. Ah yes, this is the same solution that most psychiatrists would prescribe -- senseless destruction to ease tension. I can see these boys going far in life. All the way to Death Row, and I ain't talkin' the record label, kids. Moe and Curly argue about the best way to accomplish this feat. Moe suggests that they just push the keg out the window, while Curly thinks they need to throw it. They start by pushing it out, and it just lands on the sidewalk below with a dull thud. They go downstairs to retrieve the keg, as Paul comes home from a late-night study session. Paul says he wants nothing to do with these shenanigans, so if they kill themselves, he won't be responsible. I've never claimed to have a mental Rolodex, but I'm trying to recall the number of frat boys who've died from pushing heavy objects out windows, and the number that keeps popping up is zero. The stooges try it a second time, and this time it explodes into several pieces. This thrills the human chimps as they jump and clap and smear their feces on each other in a show of mentally challenged brotherhood. Meanwhile, several pained moans come from the bushes below as we see Brad wander out in a daze, keg shrapnel protruding from his bloodied skull and a pup tent in his pants.













Comments