Fraternity Life
Earl Interrupted: Welcome To Hell, Part I

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Earl Interrupted: Welcome To Hell, Part I

Previously on Fraternity Life, Earl yelled at Alex because Alex answered his cell phone and had to go pick up a drunken fraternity brother. And we're also reminded that Steve is very slow and makes everyone wait for him when it's time to go to class, and to make matters worse, he walks veeery slooowly to the car. If I were in this pledge class, man. I'd boot both of them out. I'd say, "Look here, you! It's time you quit answering your cell phone! And you! If you don't start walking faster, well, I'm just going to go to the fraternity brothers and tell on you! Boy, then that will sure get you in trouble, Mr. Slow Walking Pledge Guy!" Yep. That's what I do all right.

We're at the Student Union, where there are mandatory study hours from 6-10 PM. every night. Tim and Steve are walking down a long flight of stairs when Tim decides to ride down the bannister because he's mentally only six years old. Steve shoves Tim off the bannister; Tim almost goes sprawling on to the floor, but catches himself. He physically attacks Steve, who cowers like the little bitch that he is. Steve says that what he likes most about Tim is that Tim almost has as much energy as he does, and he's always up for stuff. Tim announces that he has splinters in his butt. Brad peeks his head out of a nearby closet and asks if Tim needs help removing them. Tim and Steve look at Brad in disgust and Brad quietly slinks back into the closet. Tim says that he doesn't want it to be considered "cliquey," but that he and Steve are probably best buds and Tim feels comfortable calling Steve out on stuff. Steve is telling Alex to give him the keys to the SUV because he's tired of studying and wants to go back to the pledge house. The guys timidly try to tell Steve that he can't go back to the house because it's mandatory study hours, and Brother Rice (a.k.a. Mike the Puke) is at the pledge house playing videogames and fingering his prostate. Steve then very calmly says, "Give me the fucking keys, you fucking piece of buffalo shit." Tim says Steve's not getting the keys because he doesn't feel like getting ass-fucked during line-up tonight. Steve calls them all a bunch of "dead-assed motherfuckers," and Jarreau clutches his pearls in shock. Tim says that if Steve gets in trouble, they all get in trouble, so everyone has a hand in deciding whether Steve should stay or go. The ghost of Joe Strummer sees that as his cue and pops his head out of a nearby closet. We hear Brad say, "Not yet, you big hunk of man-ghost," and see the ghost of Joe Strummer get yanked back into the closet against his ghostly will. Steve says that this is fucking bullshit because he's been there all day and he's his own man and doesn't like being told what to do by anybody. I'm beginning to get the impression that maybe pledging a fraternity wasn't the smartest thing Steve could do at this stage in his life. Jarreau comes up with the brilliant idea that they will give Steve the keys if he can recite the Greek alphabet in twenty seconds. Alex is ordered to time Steve, which puts a great deal of pressure on Alex because his Mommy hasn't taught him how to tell time yet. Alex fakes it and says, "Go!" Steve starts speaking in tongues, saying "Alpha beta gamma ray skywalker dead assed motherfuckers episilon phi mu!" Alex calls time thirteen minutes and twelve seconds later and they all yell, "Towe!" at Steve because apparently it's Greek for "dumbass." Steve gets up in a huff and wanders around the Student Union as Tim says that whether Steve likes it or not, this is all a part of pledging and it's time for Steve to suck it up. The scene ends as we hear Brad's muffled squeals of "Suck it up! Oooooo, I just adore fraternity life!"

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