Tim says that Paul needs to bond socially with the other pledges rather than spending all his time doing housework and homework. Which is kinda weird because "house" and "home" almost mean the same thing, but "housework" and "homework" are two different things completely. It's amazing what one can learn from this fascinating series. You know, as long as one is reeling from the amount of cough syrup one must drink in order to sit through this steaming pile of televised bullshit.
The guys go out to a club. Earl ends up with a stripper named Sarah. Tim's walking around with two strippers on his arms, which must please his girlfriend, Nicole from Sorority Life to no end. Earl takes Sarah back to the pledge house, breaking the "no females" rule. Then again, judging by Sarah's looks, we're not completely convinced that she's an actual female. I'm guessing we're going to be watching The Crying Game 2 in less than thirty minutes. Tim thinks Earl could have done much better, because Sarah is definitely not an attractive stripper as far as Tim is concerned. Tim's an idiot: everyone knows that beauty is only skin deep and it fades after time. But a nice body? Man, oh man...a nice body sticks around for life! But Tim is still an idiot, because he's currently dating the least attractive girl from the DZO pledge class. (You know...if you don't count Maggie, and seriously, who does?) Earl begs his stripper friend to stick around the house, but she says she's got to go. I'm guessing that she's late for work ,and the club is overflowing with senile alcoholics who desperately need lapdances. Earl's a bit despondent over Sarah's departure, so the other guys try to cheer him up by saying that she was a hideous beast in the face and that Earl shouldn't lose any sleep over it. Hey, what are pledge brothers for if they can't tell you that you have lousy taste in women?
At the line-up, we see a Big Brother Ceremony. This is where each pledge is given a Big Brother who will guide him through the next few years until he graduates, and then they'll go their separate ways, never to have further contact with each other again. Tim gets a guy named Yak, and seems pretty stoked about it. Paul gets a guy named Mike, and Earl gets Mags. The rest of them get a bunch of flakes whose names we're not even told because they're not involved in any current storylines.
Back at the house, Earl calls Sarah to ask her out. She's more than happy to go out with him as long as the MTV camera guy comes along, because she can smell her big break a mile away with her abnormally large schnozz. Tim says that Earl can have the Rover if he brings the strippers over. He repeats this phrase over and over to show that it actually rhymes; he's extremely proud of it, since he's been working on it all night. Everyone agrees with Tim: they want a house full of strippers, even if Earl's stripper has the face of Charles Durning. Alex giggles that he wants to see a picture of Sarah...but only from the back. Earl wonders if perhaps he was a little too drunk the night before and his beer goggles got a bit fogged over and perhaps Sarah was a tad uglier than he remembered. Tim says he can remedy this situation, because Sarah had told them about her personal website. Earl's getting excited because he's about to see his dream girl's face when Tim pulls up several photos of a rat. Ha ha. Sarah's got a rat face. That Tim -- he's living proof as to why frat brothers willfully lose touch with each other after graduation. Tim says that Sarah looked like a rat, but looks good from behind. Dan asks Steve if he happened to see Sarah the night before, and Steve says, "Unfortunately." Lotsa laughs are shared at Earl's girl's expense. Earl says he doesn't see the other guys with any girls, which points out the obvious: he's living with a bunch of losers who'd rather dress up like Obi-Wan Kenobi and go to midnight showings of Attack of the Clones than actually talk to a woman. Earl admits that he's been taking a lot of heat from the guys over Sarah, and that it's because they can't believe that he's dating an honest-to-goodness stripper while they're holding circle jerks in the basement of the frat house every night. Earl and Sarah go to an outdoor café to have some pie and coffee at 2 AM. He looks a bit uncomfortable being in public with an ugly stripper, but her attitude about her job is great, so that keeps him around and interested. It's really our first extended look at the girl and...she's not exactly ugly, but she does look kind of rough. Like she'd slice your testicles open with shards of broken glass just to "see what will fall out." Tim and Steve happen to be walking down the street and spot Earl and Sarah at the cafe. Tim says that they've decided to "have a little fun" with the happy couple, and we're taken to those wretched commercials.