Earl, Tim, and Steve decide that it would be a really cool frat-guy thing to do if they broke into the local zoo and stole an animal to be their pet. On the grand list of smart things to do, this ranks right up there with inviting Michael Moore to a White House dinner. Tim decides that he wants a monkey or a seal. I guess it's simply not enough to have Dan visit the house and throw his own feces around the living room. Now they have to get an actual primate to join in the fun. In yet another public service announcement, MTV reminds us that stealing animals from the zoo is a Class B felony as well as a grand larceny, which will land you twenty-five years in prison. For good measure, the network adds, "As well as being just plain stupid." For whatever reason (I'm guessing the drugs started wearing off), the guys realize this is a stupid idea after all and climb back over the zoo walls and flee like the bulbous vaginas that they are.
Feel honored, folks: we're treated to a fancy dinner with Lindsey and Alex as they celebrate their first anniversary. And they said it wouldn't last. Alex is convinced that if everything goes smoothly tonight, Lindsey will finally accept his pledging the fraternity and quit nagging him about it. Everything's going smoothly until they sit down, and Alex starts waxing poetic over George the Pledgemaster like a thirteen-year-old girl gushing over Lance Bass. Lindsey stares at Alex with a smile. It looks like the same smile I flash my wife when she starts telling me about her day at work while I'm mentally banging that new intern at the office. Alex says that he made sure to ask permission to go out on this date from George, and George -- along with as several other brothers -- said it was perfectly okay. Alex is tickled shitless that his Nazi frat brothers allowed him and Lindsey this opportunity by to help mend their relationship woes. Alex feeds Lindsey some shrimp by hand, and then, for some stupid reason, he takes a photo of her like he's Federico Fellini or something. It's actually kind of creepy on a level similar to describing your sexual fantasies to your mom.
Back at the Fraternity House, Brad is throwing a major hissyfit as he says he cannot believe Alex took his goddamned girlfriend out on a date while he's pledging. He reminds everyone who will listen to him that pledging is not supposed to be a goddamned carnival. He wants to spank some hot young male ass and he wants to spank it now, goddammit! Brad says that none of the pledges is leaving the house until Alex gets there. He reminds everyone again that he's pissed, and that this whole Alex-going-out-with-a-woman thing is ridiculous. Brad, babe. Listen to your Uncle Bob. Do you see that shiny gold round thing in front of you? That's a doorknob, Brad. Turn it slowly and then push the door open with all your might and come out of the goddamned closet already. The blue kerchief tied neatly around your neck is a great start in declaring your newfound sexuality to your brothers. Just come screaming out of that closet, start wildly spanking strapping young asses, and loosen the fuck up. Outside, George is approached by Mike who wants to know what Alex's deal may be. George explains that he just got in touch with Alex and told him to get his ass home because none of his pledge brothers can leave until he gets there. Brad's standing in the doorway, and he's just fit to be tied. Tied, blindfolded, and gagged, that is. George tells the camera that it's now 12:10 AM: Alex's anniversary was over ten minutes ago, and he's late for his midnight spanking. All of the pledge brothers are supposed to do everything together, even though we've already seen only three sneaking in to the zoo, only one entering the Toga Contest, and countless more examples of this blatant discrepancy in pledge rules. George says there's a lot of pissed-off people at the house right now, which means Brad's having a sexually frustrated meltdown. You know, I have yet to see Brad in a good mood since this show began. That said, even if I was pounded on the head with a cinder block until it jarred my brain stem loose, I still would never ever pledge a fraternity that had Brad as a member.