Fraternity Life
How Alex Got His Groove Back

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How Alex Got His Groove Back

At the student center, Alex is bringing Lindsey to Study Hours or whatever the hell it's called. "Forced Interaction Hours With Scummy Frat Boys." Whatever. Jarreau says in a voice-over that it's impossible to have a girlfriend while pledging. Which is exactly the reason he doesn't have a current girlfriend -- because of that darned pledging! Boy, if only he weren't pledging, he'd be...he'd be swimming in the poontang by now! Yep! Because he's straight and manly! You betcha! Alex casually mentions to Lindsey that he got his ass chewed out by the brothers for having Lindsey hover around the table with him for an extended period of time when he's clearly supposed to be kissing Frat Brother ass. Lindsey gets upset and asks Alex what's more important -- her or this stupid fraternity. This makes Alex question his priorities, and even though he doesn't answer her question directly, he tells Lindsey that he won't be seeing her that evening because it's line-up night. Lindsey gets all snippy and leaps from the table. "Will you be in your room tonight?" Alex asks. "I don't know," Lindsey snots as she stomps off. This frustrates Alex, and he tries to tell the guys that he's going through a lot of shit right now. Earl suggests that maybe Alex and Lindsey should get walkie-talkies so they could keep in touch constantly. Ha ha, Earl. How about you and your mama get walkie-talkies so you can ask her how to make toast? Alex is taking it all in stride, which means he's finally bonding with his pledge brothers and seriously giving homosexuality a second thought.

Earl, Tim, and Steve decide that it would be a really cool frat-guy thing to do if they broke into the local zoo and stole an animal to be their pet. On the grand list of smart things to do, this ranks right up there with inviting Michael Moore to a White House dinner. Tim decides that he wants a monkey or a seal. I guess it's simply not enough to have Dan visit the house and throw his own feces around the living room. Now they have to get an actual primate to join in the fun. In yet another public service announcement, MTV reminds us that stealing animals from the zoo is a Class B felony as well as a grand larceny, which will land you twenty-five years in prison. For good measure, the network adds, "As well as being just plain stupid." For whatever reason (I'm guessing the drugs started wearing off), the guys realize this is a stupid idea after all and climb back over the zoo walls and flee like the bulbous vaginas that they are.

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Fraternity Life

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