Fraternity Life
How Alex Got His Groove Back

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Uncle Bob: C- | Grade It Now!
How Alex Got His Groove Back

Paul calls Alex on his cell phone. Alex is livid that he's celebrating his anniversary with a girl with whom he never should have lasted a week, let alone a freakin' year, and these guys are constantly calling him to come get his ass paddled. Paul tells them that no ass paddling will take place until Alex gets there. Alex says that's horseshit. I am rooting my ass off for Alex to tell them to shove his pledge up their asses and then go back to enjoying his hummer from Lindsey. George tells the pledges that Alex now has two strikes against him. Tim asks what would happen if Tim went to get Alex and brought him back to the house. Would Alex then have that strike removed? In an amazing turn of events, George decides that yes, he would remove that strike from Alex's record. Canned applause rises to a crescendo as Tim jumps in the SUV and speeds off into the night to retrieve their fallen comrade. Seriously, why would anyone with an ounce of common sense go through all this shit just so they could hang out with some obnoxious assholes with severe sexuality issues?

Anyway, Alex is picked up by Tim and Alex is hot! And I don't mean good-looking, I mean pissed! He's ferociously railing against the fraternity. All he wanted was his anniversary night to go smoothly so that Lindsey would accept his pledging. But now she hates the fraternity more than ever because Alex apparently got his anniversary nut before she got hers. I can't say I blame her. Granted, relationships in college are a dime a dozen, but it's kind of gratifying when your significant other pays more attention to you than a slovenly bunch of miscreants. Am I digressing? I think I am. So anyhoo, Alex tells Tim that despite what George says, there was no miscommunication about this evening. He was given permission to go out on the date, and that, my dork-ass friend, is that. He reminds Tim that he left his girlfriend in a leather teddy and a Catwoman mask to come back to this frat house to have Brad sneer and spank his ass for several hours while he rubbed himself in naughty places. Tim and Alex get to the house, and all the pledges let Alex know that he's gained their respect for doing this. Another aside, but what is it with young men and "respect" these days? In my day, you didn't really give two shits whether anyone respected you. If someone "dissed" you, you shrugged your shoulders, took another hit off the bong, and cranked up Van Halen II to get back into the groove. Alex sheepishly admits that, had he been in the other pledges' shoes, he would have wanted himself to quit mackin' on his psycho girlfriend and get his ass to the house.

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Fraternity Life




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