MONDO EXTRAS

You can have this soapbox back. I'm finished with it for the week.

Talia says that when you join a sorority, you make friends for life. Talia's twenty years old. I hate to be the one to burst the chirpy little cheerleader's bubble, but she doesn't know shit about life just yet. Here's a suggestion, Talia: get knocked up by some thirty-five-year-old drummer from an '80s cover band that plays in some frat house one night and see how many friends you have after that. Then drop out of college a year early to raise your new fatherless child. Oh yeah, the support you'll get -- hoo boy. I bet you'll be queen of the prom after that. Yep, you betcha.

We see the girls doing charity work, which consists of fixing dinner plates for invalids or some shit. They're in the parking lot of a shopping center and are slopping cole slaw in styrofoam containers, and dammit, they feel good about themselves. They're making a difference in their community with this cole slaw and nobody can tell them different! So I won't even try. Stacey the sea cow says that the charter was first started in 1988. She adds that the sorority is looking for "down-to-earth" people. Except when she says "down-to-earth," that wacky MTV editing has about ten of them all saying "down-to-earth" individually so that it's one big long "down-to-earth, down-to-earth, down-to-earth, down-to-earth" moment. I snorted anyway. And technically, Stacey may be telling the truth here, because these gals aren't your typical sorority girls. Most of the time, sorority girls are worth spending the night with. Talia says that while most of the girls probably want a larger pledge class, it's quality over quantity to her. She's not exactly sure what that means, but she heard Carson Daly say it on TRL one time and he's just dreamy.