Fraternity Life
My Big Fat Greek Initiation

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My Big Fat Greek Initiation

The next morning, the pledges are in the basement sweating out their upcoming Pledge Exams as "I Week" continues. Good God, this has been the longest I Week in history; it's now into its third week. Jarreau is walking down the steps and then just blurts, "Dude! I don't know who the officers were last year!" signifying that he's not prepared for the exam. He was obviously coached on this line and the coach said, "All right, act like a complete tool when you say this line." It's quite possibly the stiffest acting I've seen since Elizabeth Berkley gave Kyle McLachlan El Humpo Spastico in the pool in Showgirls. Jarreau says that he either knows all this information or he doesn't. Jarreau...Sybil. Sybil...Jarreau. Colin -- the president of the fraternity and Keeper of the Ears -- says that the upcoming exams are everything that the pledges have learned in the last seven weeks all rolled into one. Kinda like a Fruit Roll-Up. Mmmmm...Fruit Roll-Ups! Tim admits that he sucks at taking tests, and opines that entrance into the fraternity should be based more on character than taking a test. Timmy. Stick with the test results, my friend, and pray to God they don't base your entrance on your character or you're more fucked than Traci Lords. Earl's actually yelling in his POV that they've been preparing for this test for seven weeks and that everything revolves around passing this test. Yes, Earl. We get it. The show's barely three minutes old and we've had that fact rammed down our throats by every single character in the episode so far. Yelling it isn't going to make us comprehend it any stronger, you mustard-flavored discarded scumbag.

The Puke shows up with their pledge exams. His hat is facing forward, so he obviously means business. Jarreau's face gets that same look he got when he found out he was about to be sodomized by every alum from the frat...a look of wistful ecstasty. He whispers to Alex "We have to take the tests now?!" No, dimwit. Take them home and work on them over the weekend, you goofy fartbag. Tim reiterates once again that he sucks at tests. This is exactly why I hate this show: it's the same crap uttered over and over again for thirty minutes. I want to take my hands, cup them, and then clap Tim over the ears several times in hopes of rupturing his eardrums.

The guys are quietly taking their exams when somebody farts really really loud. Everyone looks in Steve's direction and it turns out that it wasn't a fart, it was his cell phone on vibrate, vibrating across the wooden table. Sorry. But I challenge anyone to think otherwise about the origin of the noise in this scene. Steve picks up the phone and just starts rapping with whoever's on the other line. He says he'll pick them up real soon. Earl can't believe this shit. Who in his right mind would take phone calls during his pledge exam? You know -- assuming that Steve's actually in his right mind and hasn't spent the afternoon huffing random household cleaners. Steve tells The Puke that it was a family member on the phone. Apparently Steve has a family full of drug dealers. All the guys roll their eyes on Steve's behalf. The tests are snatched up by The Puke, and Tim's panicking because he doesn't think he passed the test and now he'll never be able to host the Fraternity Life Reunion Special, which has been a dream of his for about seven weeks now.

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Fraternity Life

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