Next, they're out to find Wayne Gretzky's hockey puck and stick. They go to his restaurant and all decide that they need a beer. Maybe it's the urgency of the constant "Time Left" reminders that MTV is bombarding us with, but I'm screaming at my television, "You don't have time for beers, you morons!". So they're toasting and relaxing, because they have three hours left to find all this other stuff. They casually ask the manager where the stick and puck are, and he says they donated it all to the Hockey Hall of Fame. So they've wasted more time sipping their beers in a place that doesn't have what they need. They decide to go to the Hockey Hall of Fame. Jarreau suggests taking a taxi. Each of the pledges fight the urge to pimpslap his whiny taxi-worshipping ass. They go outside to leave and leave Tim inside. Tim finds the hockey stick and puck in a glass case, proving that the manager of the restaurant doesn't know shit about his own restaurant and has been made to look like a buffoon on national TV. When in Toronto, eat at Gretzky's! Alex rationalizes that, had they never had those beers, Tim would have never found the stick, thus shoving all the things I said about them being idiots back in my face. Fine, Alex. You may have won this war, my crafty little underwear model-looking pygmy. But from here on out, I plan to be one step ahead of you. Next is the waterfront pictures, which wasn't too hard. They find a boat, they snap some photos, and it's done. Next is the pictures of hot chicks (not whores). They find some junior high school girls walking down the street and take pictures with them. Done.
All that's left is the rocket chair and the Golden Sword. Earl says the only advice they got from the brothers was that the Golden Sword was something the pledges needed to think about. I'm still leaning toward the whole penis-fighting thing, because something tells me that this fraternity appreciates a good urine battle more than anything. But first...the rocket chair. Some woman tells them where the rocket chair is, and that they have to take the subway to get to it. So the guys get on the subway and admit that with two hours left, they don't think they're going to be able to find the Golden Sword. Jarreau suggests that maybe they might want to start thinking about taking a taxi. Somebody mentions that the Golden Sword may be in their minds. I'm not exactly sure which one of them said it because I was so taken aback by the fact that maybe one of these idiots may not be as ignorant as I originally pegged them.









Comments