Fraternity Life
Northern Exposure

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Uncle Bob: F | Grade It Now!
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Northern Exposure

The pledges get the list of things to find:

  • One picture of "The Rocket Chair"
  • Three pictures of the Toronto waterfront
  • Three pictures of hot Canadian chicks (which prompts Alex to ask if they can be whores. George says they can't be whores and MTV puts up a graphic for "3 pics of Hot Chicks (cannot be whores).")
  • One photo of Gretzky's hockey puck and stick
  • A photo of the Sigma Chi Omega letters at 1,122 feet, and
  • The Golden Sword

A cheesy graphic that says "Find the Golden Sword" pops up on the screen as a choir does a bunch of "Ah-ah-ahhhing" to signify the drama in finding the sword. Mike -- who's listing all these things -- says, "An actual Golden Sword." Tape it and play it back if you don't believe me. This is crucial, because -- and forgive me for ruining the big surprise for you, here -- but it's not an actual sword that they're looking for. So if the pledges don't find it, I'd point out to this pompous ass wart that he said "an actual Golden Sword." Alas, it isn't really all that important and I'm just saying this to point out the ignorance of Mike. The pledges aren't all that hip on finding a sword in the middle of Toronto. George says that there's a lot of symbolism in the sword. The only thing running through my mind is the Golden Sword fights I used to have with my cousin Dave when we were kids. Keep in mind, we didn't have PlayStation 2 growing up, so we had to find fun wherever we could. If that meant pissing all over each other, then hey, consider it a shindig.

The next day, the guys get cranked up at noon to start the scavenger hunt that must be finished by 6 PM. Call me anal, but I think I would have started before noon. Because technically, time is a factor in a scavenger hunt. Alas, I have more common sense than the entire pledge class, so I don't even know why I bother trying to reason with myself over this shit. Am I babbling? I'm babbling, aren't I? Sorry. I'm just trying to make up for the lack of action and plot in this week's episode. So the first thing on the agenda is to try and find the Rocket Chair. They ask a lot of people where the Rocket Chair may be, and nobody knows. Jarreau's worried that time is of the essence. It's good to see I'm on the same wavelength with at least one of these jerk-offs, even if it's Jarreau. Earl's worried because they should be coming together as one, and instead they're just walking the streets trying to look like big TV stars with TV cameras following them around. They spend an hour looking for the chair and have not found it, so Earl calls the brothers asking for a hint about the rocket chair. The brothers are eating lunch and aren't about to give them a hint. So the hunt is abandoned for the time being. George says their problem is that they're inconsistent, which doesn't look good for them. They stop for a hot dog. They're running out of time, and they stop for a hot dog. Earl's beginning to panic because the hunt is not going well. Jarreau suggests that they get a taxi to go to the CN Tower, the tallest structure in Toronto. They're walking in circles, and naturally, Tim and Steve start going off on their own, which pisses off the other pledges because they're not all on the same page, and that's why they rarely accomplish anything as a team. Jarreau suggests again that they get a taxi, and says that maybe at 6 PM they'll all begin to understand the importance of a taxi. His idea is shot down, so he suggests that they appoint a leader. Earl gets the lofty position of group leader, so he starts yelling at Tim and Steve to be part of the group. This causes Steve to yell back at Earl. Yell, yell, yell. Yell, yell, yell. Scream, scream, scream. Yes, all of a sudden, my recap has taken on the tone of a violent Dick and Jane primer. Probably because the boys are acting like children. Tim says in a POV that the scavenger hunt is falling apart because nobody's taking charge. Uhhhh...Timmy...lean into your monitor here for a second. Just a second. A little closerrr....SMACK! There. You deserved that, you incompetent penis. More yelling as Mags says in a POV that he hopes one of the pledges will step up to the plate, and that they will learn that they need to work together to achieve a common goal. Mags is giving these ignorant chimps more credit than they deserve.

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